1
00:03:20,042 --> 00:03:21,542
Oh.

2
00:03:21,543 --> 00:03:23,337
Oh, this is <i>wunderbar.</i>

3
00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:28,884
<i>Fraulein</i> Roop, if you would be so kind?

4
00:04:46,878 --> 00:04:48,380
Oh!

5
00:05:00,684 --> 00:05:03,436
Beware, this record is
the property of Radio Rio Dio,

6
00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:05,730
100,000 watts of faith-healing power,

7
00:05:05,731 --> 00:05:07,064
and its unauthorized use

8
00:05:07,065 --> 00:05:09,859
may be punished by fine
and incarceration. Amen.

9
00:05:09,860 --> 00:05:11,777
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

10
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:16,240
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

11
00:05:16,241 --> 00:05:18,117
♪ It's good enough for me ♪

12
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:24,790
♪ Makes me love everybody ♪

13
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:26,542
♪ It's good enough for me ♪

14
00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:33,215
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

15
00:05:33,216 --> 00:05:38,221
♪ It's good enough for me ♪

16
00:05:41,058 --> 00:05:46,604
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

17
00:05:46,605 --> 00:05:48,773
♪ It's good enough for me ♪

18
00:05:48,774 --> 00:05:51,192
Small Town, USA.

19
00:05:51,193 --> 00:05:53,778
Average people, ordinary people,

20
00:05:53,779 --> 00:05:55,821
the folks next door.

21
00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:58,324
Walk down any street, knock on any door,

22
00:05:58,325 --> 00:05:59,825
and who will ya meet?

23
00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:01,410
Your neighbors.

24
00:06:01,411 --> 00:06:03,412
That's what it's all about,

25
00:06:03,413 --> 00:06:06,374
friendly people getting
to know one another,

26
00:06:06,375 --> 00:06:09,126
pulling together for the mutual good,

27
00:06:09,127 --> 00:06:10,795
at work and at play,

28
00:06:10,796 --> 00:06:14,048
giving new meanings to
the word "democracy."

29
00:06:14,049 --> 00:06:16,008
People like Mr. Peterbuilt,

30
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:18,386
A man to the name born.

31
00:06:18,387 --> 00:06:20,888
His obsession, garbage;

32
00:06:20,889 --> 00:06:23,974
his profession, sanitary engineer;

33
00:06:23,975 --> 00:06:26,645
his avocation, fucking.

34
00:06:29,981 --> 00:06:33,109
Lola Langusta, practitioner
of the black sock.

35
00:06:33,110 --> 00:06:33,944
Oh, yeah.

36
00:06:33,945 --> 00:06:36,696
Fount of drug-induced fantasies.

37
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:41,410
Lola Langusta, hotter
than a Mexican's lunch.

38
00:06:44,746 --> 00:06:48,124
Semper Fidelis, the door-to-door salesman,

39
00:06:48,125 --> 00:06:50,793
out there on a shoe shine and a customer.

40
00:06:50,794 --> 00:06:53,254
Bon vivant, raconteur,

41
00:06:53,255 --> 00:06:56,382
connoisseur of baubles,
bangles, and beads.

42
00:06:56,383 --> 00:07:00,261
Lingerie is his game,
plundering's his name;

43
00:07:00,262 --> 00:07:01,679
a boudoir bandit,

44
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:03,848
Raiding the coffers of the absent husband

45
00:07:03,849 --> 00:07:05,599
as he draws a veil of gossamer

46
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,437
Over the eyes of the bedazzled housewife.

47
00:07:10,939 --> 00:07:12,189
Culture in Small Town

48
00:07:12,190 --> 00:07:15,067
is represented by the
tempestuous Teuton,

49
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:18,195
Martin Bormann, equally
at home with the grand

50
00:07:18,196 --> 00:07:20,030
and the grave.

51
00:07:20,031 --> 00:07:22,116
Both grungy laborers,

52
00:07:22,117 --> 00:07:25,786
Beau Badger on the left,
Tyrone on the thigh,

53
00:07:25,787 --> 00:07:28,205
clambering over the Grand Tetons

54
00:07:28,206 --> 00:07:31,751
and the Qattara Depression
that is Junk Yard Sal,

55
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:35,129
slaving and slathering
together for the common good,

56
00:07:35,130 --> 00:07:37,047
their employer and liege,

57
00:07:37,048 --> 00:07:42,012
an Amazon sucking dry the
marrow of the laboring class.

58
00:07:43,305 --> 00:07:46,015
Lamar Shedd, true to his name,

59
00:07:46,016 --> 00:07:48,058
hoisting high his petard,

60
00:07:48,059 --> 00:07:51,103
always breaking rank to fight another day.

61
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,397
And people like Flovilla Thatch,

62
00:07:53,398 --> 00:07:54,690
dental assistant,

63
00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:57,943
Sexual surrogate,
double-gated paramedian;

64
00:07:57,944 --> 00:07:59,403
- Mm-hmm.
- Indispensable

65
00:07:59,404 --> 00:08:01,822
to the populace of Small Town.

66
00:08:01,823 --> 00:08:03,699
The scat man, Zebulon;

67
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:06,577
affable, well-meaning, man's best friend,

68
00:08:06,578 --> 00:08:08,497
seldom ever an Uncle Tom.

69
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:13,417
Lavonia, never a headache,

70
00:08:13,418 --> 00:08:16,754
ever girding her loins for low body blows,

71
00:08:16,755 --> 00:08:18,297
pubic-to-pubic,

72
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:22,134
wallowing in the empty
saddles of Small Town.

73
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,929
Both dentist and marriage counselor,

74
00:08:24,930 --> 00:08:27,474
Dr. Asa Lavender, DDS,

75
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,935
Fighting tartar, soothing flaming roots,

76
00:08:30,936 --> 00:08:34,230
cleaving together a house divided.

77
00:08:34,231 --> 00:08:35,898
The callow youth, Rhett,

78
00:08:35,899 --> 00:08:40,027
bumptious teenager,
potential decathlon champion,

79
00:08:40,028 --> 00:08:43,948
qualifying in nine events
but lacking in one.

80
00:08:43,949 --> 00:08:47,493
Small Town is like your town and my town,

81
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,954
where Main Street still works.

82
00:08:49,955 --> 00:08:52,915
If you're still searching
for the American dream,

83
00:08:52,916 --> 00:08:55,000
then search no longer.

84
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:57,838
It's right here in Small Town, USA.

85
00:08:58,755 --> 00:09:00,589
Behind every door, a story;

86
00:09:00,590 --> 00:09:02,842
Behind every story, a good woman.

87
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:05,427
Like the buxotic Eufaula Roop.

88
00:09:05,428 --> 00:09:07,304
Yet that's another tale.

89
00:09:07,305 --> 00:09:08,806
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

90
00:09:08,807 --> 00:09:11,433
But not every story is so simple.

91
00:09:11,434 --> 00:09:14,770
Yes, believe it or not,
even in Small Town, USA,

92
00:09:14,771 --> 00:09:17,857
there are still people who
are unfulfilled and unrelieved

93
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:22,445
in the midst of plenty.

94
00:15:45,495 --> 00:15:48,247
No, no, no, no!

95
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:51,083
- I know it'll hurt.
- Lavonia, Lavonia, I love you.

96
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,292
- No, I hate it.
- For God's sake,

97
00:15:52,293 --> 00:15:55,373
there's something’s gone fucking
wrong with our love life.

98
00:15:57,590 --> 00:16:00,718
Get your dick out of there,
you pre-vert!

99
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:18,069
Oh, Lamar Shedd!

100
00:16:20,738 --> 00:16:21,738
Take this!

101
00:16:25,576 --> 00:16:27,870
That's the last time
you'll screw me in the ass.

102
00:16:46,889 --> 00:16:47,889
Lavonia.

103
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,935
Lavonia.

104
00:17:15,084 --> 00:17:18,921
Lavonia? Lavonia? Lavonia!

105
00:17:21,299 --> 00:17:22,300
Lavonia!

106
00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:30,682
Shit.

107
00:19:20,918 --> 00:19:24,004
And I was blind, too,
brothers and sisters,

108
00:19:24,005 --> 00:19:27,592
but now I see, and you'll
see the light, too,

109
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:32,137
on Rio Dio Radio, 100,000 watts

110
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:37,143
of clear channel healing on
the Salvation of the Southwest.

111
00:19:37,268 --> 00:19:40,020
Now, for all you listeners
who got your pencils ready

112
00:19:40,021 --> 00:19:43,982
during that last inspiring
hymn, here's the address

113
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:47,152
for those blessed handkerchiefs
I was telling you about.

114
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:48,904
First, send a dollar,

115
00:19:48,905 --> 00:19:50,572
only $1,

116
00:19:50,573 --> 00:19:52,407
But no stamps or checks, please,

117
00:19:52,408 --> 00:19:57,078
brothers and sisters, to
Hanky, Rio Dio, Texas,

118
00:19:57,079 --> 00:19:59,748
care of your evangelist of the airwaves,

119
00:19:59,749 --> 00:20:03,126
Sister Eufaula Roop,
bringing you salvation

120
00:20:03,127 --> 00:20:05,754
and hope to all of you folks at home

121
00:20:05,755 --> 00:20:09,049
and those listening over
the radios of their pickups,

122
00:20:09,050 --> 00:20:10,842
four wheelers, hardtops,

123
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,969
and RVs.

124
00:20:12,970 --> 00:20:14,513
But now it's time again

125
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,598
For our healing service.

126
00:20:16,599 --> 00:20:18,850
You've heard of laying on of hands.

127
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:21,186
You've heard of laying on of feet.

128
00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:24,189
Well, I've got a simply
wonderful piece of news

129
00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:27,234
for all you wonderful people today,

130
00:20:27,235 --> 00:20:29,861
Rio Dio Radio has entered

131
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:33,782
the born again electronic age of healing,

132
00:20:33,783 --> 00:20:36,994
the laying on of radio.

133
00:20:38,788 --> 00:20:40,622
Now, I know there are people out there

134
00:20:40,623 --> 00:20:43,166
who aren't feeling just right tonight.

135
00:20:43,167 --> 00:20:45,168
Maybe they can't quite put a finger on it,

136
00:20:45,169 --> 00:20:47,921
but gosh, they know something's wrong.

137
00:20:47,922 --> 00:20:50,465
Maybe a joint that's stiff and sore.

138
00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:53,593
Maybe nothing worse than a bad head cold.

139
00:20:53,594 --> 00:20:57,013
Or maybe you're among the
bedridden or the laid-up.

140
00:20:57,014 --> 00:20:58,431
Well, you're just the folks

141
00:20:58,432 --> 00:21:01,268
we're gonna heal tonight.

142
00:21:01,269 --> 00:21:03,728
You know, they say
healing could take place

143
00:21:03,729 --> 00:21:06,314
in mysterious ways,

144
00:21:06,315 --> 00:21:08,650
For the ways of the universe are strange,

145
00:21:08,651 --> 00:21:10,491
brothers and sisters.

146
00:21:10,528 --> 00:21:12,988
So, we're gonna try something new tonight.

147
00:21:12,989 --> 00:21:15,365
We're gonna heal over the radio.

148
00:21:15,366 --> 00:21:17,200
That's right, brothers and sisters.

149
00:21:17,201 --> 00:21:19,953
I want you to place your afflicted parts

150
00:21:19,954 --> 00:21:22,664
right there on top of your radio.

151
00:21:22,665 --> 00:21:23,832
That's it.

152
00:21:23,833 --> 00:21:26,836
Just place the part that's
ailing on the radio.

153
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,130
And now, let's heal.

154
00:21:30,131 --> 00:21:33,301
Whatever it is that hurts,
make it stop hurting.

155
00:21:33,342 --> 00:21:35,969
What's stiff, make it limber.

156
00:21:35,970 --> 00:21:40,223
What's shrunken, make it large.
And what's been violated,

157
00:21:40,224 --> 00:21:42,726
make it whole again.

158
00:21:42,727 --> 00:21:46,147
We rest our case on thee.

159
00:22:13,591 --> 00:22:15,176
♪ Glory to... ♪

160
00:22:21,223 --> 00:22:25,019
♪ Playing on the radio ♪

161
00:22:41,035 --> 00:22:46,040
♪ Oh, come, ye brothers and sisters ♪

162
00:22:46,624 --> 00:22:48,917
♪ You're the folks ♪

163
00:22:48,918 --> 00:22:56,918
♪ We're going to heal today ♪

164
00:22:58,719 --> 00:23:01,304
Now, wasn't that a lovely hymn,

165
00:23:01,305 --> 00:23:03,765
and didn't they sing it just wonderfully?

166
00:23:03,766 --> 00:23:06,768
Why, it's almost enough to
send shivers down your spine,

167
00:23:06,769 --> 00:23:10,230
brothers and sisters,
hearing such lovely music.

168
00:23:10,231 --> 00:23:12,399
And I also certainly hope you benefited

169
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,318
from tonight's marvelous healing service.

170
00:23:15,319 --> 00:23:18,321
For no matter how much
punishment we may take, friends,

171
00:23:18,322 --> 00:23:21,324
no matter how tortured, how assaulted,

172
00:23:21,325 --> 00:23:25,036
how pummeled our very
innermost beings may become,

173
00:23:25,037 --> 00:23:27,080
no matter how much we may despair

174
00:23:27,081 --> 00:23:29,916
in the darkness of the lonely night,

175
00:23:29,917 --> 00:23:34,045
there can come a healing hand
to take that which was tired

176
00:23:34,046 --> 00:23:35,964
and give it new strength.

177
00:23:35,965 --> 00:23:38,591
And gee, isn't that wonderful?

178
00:23:38,592 --> 00:23:40,343
A marvelous feeling,

179
00:23:40,344 --> 00:23:42,178
and the very best of all,

180
00:23:42,179 --> 00:23:45,682
that which was dead,
bringing it new life!

181
00:23:45,683 --> 00:23:50,311
There, Lamar, doesn't that
feel good, nice, and warm?

182
00:23:50,312 --> 00:23:53,440
We conclude our broadcasting
day here at Rio Dio Radio

183
00:23:53,441 --> 00:23:55,483
in Rio Dio, Texas.

184
00:23:55,484 --> 00:23:58,319
This is your own sister, Eufaula Roop...

185
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,155
All you need is a little rest, Lamar.

186
00:24:00,156 --> 00:24:01,740
Wishing you a good night's sleep

187
00:24:01,741 --> 00:24:04,701
from the Salvation of the Southwest,

188
00:24:04,702 --> 00:24:06,077
healing you on AM,

189
00:24:06,078 --> 00:24:07,620
Healing you on FM.

190
00:24:07,621 --> 00:24:10,540
Healing you from one end
of the dial to the other,

191
00:24:10,541 --> 00:24:14,044
this is 100,000 watts
of down-home therapy,

192
00:24:14,086 --> 00:24:17,548
saying so long 'til tomorrow.

193
00:24:30,311 --> 00:24:33,855
The dawn's early light
comes to Small Town every day,

194
00:24:33,856 --> 00:24:37,526
and with it, the events of the
night before are forgotten.

195
00:24:38,986 --> 00:24:42,573
Private enterprise, the
cornerstone of Small Town:

196
00:24:43,407 --> 00:24:47,077
Junk Yard Sal helps architect
the American dream,

197
00:24:48,579 --> 00:24:52,999
The discards of progress,
scrap iron into plowshares,

198
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,251
plowshares into Minutemen.

199
00:24:55,252 --> 00:24:58,671
Yesterday's Pontiac
becomes tomorrow's Polaris

200
00:24:58,672 --> 00:25:03,051
as Small Town arms the
nation; industry on the march,

201
00:25:03,052 --> 00:25:05,512
from steam engines to steam irons,

202
00:25:05,513 --> 00:25:07,388
from bicycles to bulldozers,

203
00:25:07,389 --> 00:25:10,643
and then onto the junk heap of history.

204
00:25:11,894 --> 00:25:14,729
There are big jobs to
be done in Small Town,

205
00:25:14,730 --> 00:25:17,565
and Small Town has the men to do them.

206
00:25:17,566 --> 00:25:19,818
And there's no use lingering over bygones

207
00:25:19,819 --> 00:25:21,737
when it's off to work we go.

208
00:25:23,948 --> 00:25:27,325
Hey, Lamar, you forgot
your lunch bucket.

209
00:25:27,326 --> 00:25:28,827
- Well, thank you.
- Oh.

210
00:25:28,828 --> 00:25:30,308
Peanut butter again, I hope.

211
00:25:36,043 --> 00:25:37,461
- Bye.
- So long.

212
00:25:50,474 --> 00:25:53,434
Hey, Sal? Sal? Sorry I'm late.

213
00:25:53,435 --> 00:25:54,769
I'll put in some overtime tonight

214
00:25:54,770 --> 00:25:56,062
- to make up for it.
- Okay.

215
00:25:56,063 --> 00:25:59,440
It takes all kinds to
work at Junkyard Sal's.

216
00:25:59,441 --> 00:26:02,819
Like Zebulon, member of one
of the many minority groups

217
00:26:02,820 --> 00:26:06,155
in Small Town's bubbling melting pot.

218
00:26:06,156 --> 00:26:09,868
One day, his dream is to
own a junkyard of his own.

219
00:26:09,869 --> 00:26:14,247
Then there's Beau Badger and
his faithful sidekick, Tyrone.

220
00:26:14,248 --> 00:26:16,916
Beau's a redneck, lean and mean;

221
00:26:16,917 --> 00:26:21,129
Tyrone's a racist, crude,
rude, and tattooed;

222
00:26:21,130 --> 00:26:23,798
dropouts from the rat race of life,

223
00:26:23,799 --> 00:26:25,592
human flotsam,

224
00:26:25,593 --> 00:26:26,885
Useless roadblocks

225
00:26:26,886 --> 00:26:28,887
In the avenue of progress,

226
00:26:28,888 --> 00:26:31,681
bitterly envious of the lower classes,

227
00:26:31,682 --> 00:26:34,100
rejected by the volunteer army.

228
00:26:34,101 --> 00:26:37,103
Their choice in life is
a sad but simple one:

229
00:26:37,104 --> 00:26:40,398
the drunk tank or the scrap heap.

230
00:26:40,399 --> 00:26:42,233
But at Junk Yard Sal's,

231
00:26:42,234 --> 00:26:45,111
They can find at last a useful purpose

232
00:26:45,112 --> 00:26:47,071
because even they can be recycled

233
00:26:47,072 --> 00:26:50,575
to be made useful again
in Sal's scheme of things.

234
00:26:50,576 --> 00:26:51,743
No shit.

235
00:26:51,744 --> 00:26:55,496
Junk Yard Sal's, a microcosm
of the industrial might

236
00:26:55,497 --> 00:26:56,956
that provides Small Town

237
00:26:56,957 --> 00:27:00,251
and the nation with
leisure time opportunities,

238
00:27:00,252 --> 00:27:02,045
leisure time to pursue the dream

239
00:27:02,046 --> 00:27:04,923
of every red-blooded girl in Small Town:

240
00:27:04,924 --> 00:27:09,052
the assault and seduction
of an innocent young stud.

241
00:27:09,053 --> 00:27:12,138
And who is our Lavonia
to ignore an old adage?

242
00:27:12,139 --> 00:27:15,183
Let's see, something
about the devil finds work

243
00:27:15,184 --> 00:27:18,019
for idle hands?

244
00:27:18,020 --> 00:27:19,647
Or something like that.

245
00:28:13,450 --> 00:28:14,450
Mine!

246
00:28:23,168 --> 00:28:25,086
In the words of Lavonia,

247
00:28:25,087 --> 00:28:28,548
"Give me the boy and I'll
give you back the man."

248
00:28:28,549 --> 00:28:31,718
But even with such an
enthusiastic instructor,

249
00:28:31,719 --> 00:28:34,470
a young man's first
lesson in human sexuality

250
00:28:34,471 --> 00:28:36,807
are often a matter of sink or swim.

251
00:28:37,725 --> 00:28:40,059
Should he be plunged at
once into the deepest waters

252
00:28:40,060 --> 00:28:43,479
of carnal knowledge, or
encouraged to splash about

253
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:47,567
while building his courage
in the shallows of foreplay?

254
00:28:47,568 --> 00:28:51,113
Lavonia has an unusual
approach, to say the least.

255
00:28:52,823 --> 00:28:55,491
And so, in the murky waters of desire,

256
00:28:55,492 --> 00:28:59,746
first the unrestrained assault,
then the subtle seduction.

257
00:28:59,747 --> 00:29:01,497
It's good to be a fast learner,

258
00:29:01,498 --> 00:29:03,791
but young men are too quick to learn.

259
00:29:03,792 --> 00:29:07,420
But in Lavonia's judgment,
it is far more fruitful

260
00:29:07,421 --> 00:29:09,672
to mother, to nurture a young lad

261
00:29:09,673 --> 00:29:12,925
with encouragement on
the sandbar of dalliance

262
00:29:12,926 --> 00:29:15,386
just before unleashing the wild ecstasies

263
00:29:15,387 --> 00:29:18,139
of the final examination.

264
00:29:18,140 --> 00:29:21,893
Folks in Small Town play hard,
and they work hard, too.

265
00:29:21,894 --> 00:29:25,188
They like to be doing
something hard all the time.

266
00:29:25,189 --> 00:29:26,982
Come on, let me give you a hand.

267
00:29:32,321 --> 00:29:34,781
Never send a man to do a woman's job.

268
00:29:34,782 --> 00:29:36,241
Now, stand back.

269
00:29:37,076 --> 00:29:38,785
That's Junk Yard Sal's motto

270
00:29:38,786 --> 00:29:41,370
and she's backed it up
with spectacular success

271
00:29:41,371 --> 00:29:44,374
in the scrap iron industry.

272
00:29:46,376 --> 00:29:49,129
Lamar, get your ass
away from that car door.

273
00:29:55,010 --> 00:29:58,846
As a scrap iron
entrepreneur opening new doors

274
00:29:58,847 --> 00:30:01,057
for women in all lines of work,

275
00:30:01,058 --> 00:30:04,852
Sal is a sexual pioneer way
out there in the front lines

276
00:30:04,853 --> 00:30:07,480
of women's liberation.

277
00:30:07,481 --> 00:30:08,898
You really know how to handle this place.

278
00:30:08,899 --> 00:30:10,900
You seem kind of peaked today, Lamar.

279
00:30:10,901 --> 00:30:12,235
You get enough rest last night?

280
00:30:12,236 --> 00:30:13,195
Had a great night's sleep.

281
00:30:13,237 --> 00:30:15,131
Bet Lamar's horny young chick gets

282
00:30:15,155 --> 00:30:18,616
- all the rest she needs.
- I bet so, too, Beau.

283
00:30:18,617 --> 00:30:21,244
I'd sure like to give
her a sleepless night.

284
00:30:21,245 --> 00:30:23,371
Yeah, a sleepless night.

285
00:30:23,372 --> 00:30:24,413
What do you say, Lamar?

286
00:30:24,414 --> 00:30:27,250
Why don't you step over to the office,

287
00:30:27,251 --> 00:30:29,378
grab a little shuteye?

288
00:30:31,713 --> 00:30:33,715
It's got a nice big bed.

289
00:30:36,135 --> 00:30:38,637
No, honestly, Sal, I feel neat.

290
00:30:39,721 --> 00:30:40,681
Scared of the boss?

291
00:30:40,682 --> 00:30:42,265
No, it's just that I
got a lot on my mind,

292
00:30:42,266 --> 00:30:44,183
what with my correspondence school course

293
00:30:44,184 --> 00:30:47,770
- and everything.
- Correspondence school, shit.

294
00:30:47,771 --> 00:30:49,605
You said it, Beau, shit.

295
00:30:49,606 --> 00:30:51,732
Just trying to improve my lot in life,

296
00:30:51,733 --> 00:30:54,944
make a little more money,
get an extra job at night.

297
00:30:54,945 --> 00:30:57,823
Anytime you wanna put a
little overtime in, Lamar...

298
00:31:00,409 --> 00:31:02,744
Yeah, sure, Sal, I'll know where to go.

299
00:31:03,579 --> 00:31:05,621
Meanwhile, back on the Pecos,

300
00:31:05,622 --> 00:31:07,957
in the School of Bucolic Dalliance,

301
00:31:07,958 --> 00:31:11,545
young Rhett passes with
flying colors and a B .

302
00:31:12,671 --> 00:31:16,090
The satisfied and dedicated
instructress Lavonia has opened

303
00:31:16,091 --> 00:31:18,718
up broad new vistas of athletic endeavor

304
00:31:18,719 --> 00:31:21,053
for her gratified student.

305
00:31:21,054 --> 00:31:22,764
What's your name?

306
00:31:24,016 --> 00:31:25,308
My name's Rhett, ma'am.

307
00:31:25,309 --> 00:31:28,561
Oh, what a nice name.

308
00:31:28,562 --> 00:31:31,564
How old are you? Mm.

309
00:31:31,565 --> 00:31:33,357
- I'm 14, ma'am.
- I never had

310
00:31:33,358 --> 00:31:38,363
a 14-year-old joint... I mean, a
boy named Rhett before, yeah.

311
00:31:42,492 --> 00:31:45,203
Rhett's got a lot of size for his size.

312
00:31:45,204 --> 00:31:46,038
I'd like you to show...

313
00:31:46,039 --> 00:31:48,456
Look at that kiss-ass Lamar.

314
00:31:48,457 --> 00:31:50,791
Yeah, Beau, kiss-ass.

315
00:31:50,792 --> 00:31:54,086
Now, you stop criticizing Lamar that way.

316
00:31:54,087 --> 00:31:55,630
Man, why does he have to go talking

317
00:31:55,631 --> 00:31:57,298
- shit like that?
- Shit like what?

318
00:31:57,299 --> 00:31:58,925
Sticking up for Lamar

319
00:31:58,926 --> 00:32:01,677
when you know he's just
the boss lady's new stud.

320
00:32:01,678 --> 00:32:02,970
New stud, yeah.

321
00:32:02,971 --> 00:32:04,889
I'm not gonna listen to
that kind of talk anymore.

322
00:32:04,890 --> 00:32:06,682
And besides, I've got my job to do.

323
00:32:06,683 --> 00:32:10,436
I don't see why Zebulon has
to stand up for that candy-ass

324
00:32:10,437 --> 00:32:11,604
he calls a friend.

325
00:32:11,605 --> 00:32:14,148
Yeah, Beau, candy-ass friend.

326
00:32:14,149 --> 00:32:16,776
Now, I don't wanna hear you
talk about Lamar that way,

327
00:32:16,777 --> 00:32:17,985
or any friend of mine.

328
00:32:17,986 --> 00:32:20,279
Zebulon, you in such
bad need of a friend?

329
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:22,133
Oh, I'm not gonna talk
to you white trash anymore.

330
00:32:22,157 --> 00:32:25,243
Fuck yourself.

331
00:32:25,244 --> 00:32:27,079
Obscene rednecks.

332
00:32:33,293 --> 00:32:34,293
Zebulon!

333
00:32:38,590 --> 00:32:42,261
Okay, guys, knock it off
before somebody gets hurt.

334
00:32:47,975 --> 00:32:49,685
See there, Tyrone?

335
00:32:52,271 --> 00:32:56,774
I always told you Zebulon
had a lot of white blood in him.

336
00:32:56,775 --> 00:32:59,528
Yeah, a lot of white blood.

337
00:33:02,489 --> 00:33:04,490
The last stand of free enterprise:

338
00:33:04,491 --> 00:33:07,243
Semper Fidelis, door-to-door salesman.

339
00:33:07,244 --> 00:33:10,204
While others risk coronaries
behind their desks,

340
00:33:10,205 --> 00:33:12,665
he takes to the open road.

341
00:33:12,666 --> 00:33:15,459
Fidelis is the most successful
door-to-door salesman

342
00:33:15,460 --> 00:33:17,712
in Small Town, USA.

343
00:33:17,713 --> 00:33:19,338
Maybe that's because he doesn't sell

344
00:33:19,339 --> 00:33:22,049
the same tired old items...
the greeting cards,

345
00:33:22,050 --> 00:33:24,677
toiletries, and vacuum cleaner brushes...

346
00:33:24,678 --> 00:33:28,264
But bizarre lingerie by
Frederico's of Wisconsin,

347
00:33:28,265 --> 00:33:30,766
the famed establishment that
has inflamed the fantasies

348
00:33:30,767 --> 00:33:31,851
of the middle class

349
00:33:31,852 --> 00:33:33,895
For more than a generation.

350
00:33:34,771 --> 00:33:37,898
And how convenient to make a
selection right in the privacy

351
00:33:37,899 --> 00:33:39,735
of your own living room.

352
00:33:42,237 --> 00:33:44,030
Oh, uh, good afternoon, ma'am.

353
00:33:44,031 --> 00:33:45,531
I'd like to introduce myself to you.

354
00:33:45,532 --> 00:33:47,909
I'm Semper Fidelis, and
I'm from Frederico's.

355
00:33:48,744 --> 00:33:49,910
You know, the lingerie firm?

356
00:33:49,911 --> 00:33:52,038
And we're introducing
our brand new spring line

357
00:33:52,039 --> 00:33:54,206
to a selected group of
ladies like yourself.

358
00:33:54,207 --> 00:33:55,833
And I'm sure I'll have something in here

359
00:33:55,834 --> 00:33:57,585
that you'll find particularly interesting,

360
00:33:57,586 --> 00:34:00,255
yes, particularly interesting for you.

361
00:34:14,561 --> 00:34:16,771
Oh, oh.

362
00:34:16,772 --> 00:34:18,607
Piece de resistance!

363
00:34:20,692 --> 00:34:23,569
A satin dress?

364
00:34:23,570 --> 00:34:28,199
Rhinestone. Purdy.

365
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:31,077
A beautiful wig.

366
00:34:31,078 --> 00:34:33,288
Oh, a gold necklace.

367
00:34:34,247 --> 00:34:35,374
A choker?

368
00:34:36,792 --> 00:34:39,210
"Spanish Made Simple"?

369
00:34:39,211 --> 00:34:42,838
I could do a little
moonlighting in this outfit.

370
00:34:42,839 --> 00:34:44,423
Sure as my mama named me

371
00:34:44,424 --> 00:34:47,301
Semper Fidelis, your own
husband wouldn't recognize you.

372
00:34:47,302 --> 00:34:50,472
Oh, Lamar... Lamar, shit, oh!

373
00:34:51,431 --> 00:34:52,848
Hey, amigo!

374
00:34:52,849 --> 00:34:56,394
I'm interested to know what
you have in that other box.

375
00:34:56,395 --> 00:34:58,354
Oh, I don't believe
madam would be interested

376
00:34:58,355 --> 00:34:59,563
in that case over there.

377
00:34:59,564 --> 00:35:02,316
- Oh, yes, I would.
- Well, the items in that case

378
00:35:02,317 --> 00:35:05,069
are for our, uh, male customers.

379
00:35:05,070 --> 00:35:07,279
You mean faggots wear this?

380
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:10,616
Ooh, I do have something
I'd like to show you.

381
00:35:10,617 --> 00:35:12,201
- Like what?
- Bust development pump

382
00:35:12,202 --> 00:35:14,620
by Frederico's of Wisconsin.

383
00:35:14,621 --> 00:35:16,664
You just attach it to your kitchen faucet.

384
00:35:16,665 --> 00:35:19,501
Uh, let me show you. May I?

385
00:35:24,881 --> 00:35:27,508
A bust developer for me?

386
00:35:27,509 --> 00:35:28,802
Sexist asshole.

387
00:35:31,054 --> 00:35:33,681
- I meant no offense.
- Mr. Fidelis,

388
00:35:33,682 --> 00:35:35,850
do you make them for men?

389
00:35:35,851 --> 00:35:36,934
A bust developer for men?

390
00:35:36,935 --> 00:35:40,355
Not for their bust,
dummy, to make them larger...

391
00:35:42,482 --> 00:35:44,233
Much bigger!

392
00:35:44,234 --> 00:35:46,318
Ooh, what an intriguing idea.

393
00:35:46,319 --> 00:35:49,030
I'll have to take that up with
the home office in Racine.

394
00:35:50,615 --> 00:35:54,493
The rye is fine, the
crotch less panties, divine.

395
00:35:54,494 --> 00:35:56,078
I'm not wealthy or renowned,

396
00:35:56,079 --> 00:35:58,289
but I get my share of pussy
in this here town.

397
00:35:58,290 --> 00:36:00,750
Garter belts cute and rhymes with root.

398
00:36:01,585 --> 00:36:04,044
And since I darned these fishnet hose,

399
00:36:04,045 --> 00:36:07,089
I can see how your affection grows.

400
00:36:07,090 --> 00:36:09,467
When it comes to bodies, you're a star.

401
00:36:09,468 --> 00:36:12,261
Thank God I got another pair
of britches out in the car.

402
00:36:12,262 --> 00:36:14,597
Minis hot, toes are hard.

403
00:36:14,598 --> 00:36:16,724
Why don't you take a credit card?

404
00:36:16,725 --> 00:36:18,726
When it comes to paying,
miss, I'm your man.

405
00:36:18,727 --> 00:36:20,228
Let's work out an installment plan.

406
00:36:27,736 --> 00:36:29,404
And you can take that to the bank.

407
00:36:44,503 --> 00:36:45,753
Hey, Lamar, where you going?

408
00:36:45,754 --> 00:36:46,879
Straight home, Zebulon.

409
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:48,756
Uh-huh, you ain't going nowhere.

410
00:36:48,757 --> 00:36:50,717
Boss lady wants to see you.

411
00:36:53,428 --> 00:36:54,970
I guess this means overtime.

412
00:36:54,971 --> 00:36:57,848
Hardly the end of an
eventful day for Lamar.

413
00:36:57,849 --> 00:37:00,142
But the busy worker is a happy worker,

414
00:37:00,143 --> 00:37:02,561
and the happy worker has a busy boss,

415
00:37:02,562 --> 00:37:05,190
and the busy worker makes a happy boss.

416
00:37:06,983 --> 00:37:09,235
It's all well and good
for Lamar to fuck his way

417
00:37:09,236 --> 00:37:10,611
through correspondence school,

418
00:37:10,612 --> 00:37:13,822
as long as he doesn't forget
he's a rear window man.

419
00:37:13,823 --> 00:37:16,075
Sometimes opportunity knocks but once,

420
00:37:16,076 --> 00:37:18,702
something Junk Yard Sal
has made abundantly clear.

421
00:37:18,703 --> 00:37:21,163
Lamar, honey, why don't
y'all come on inside,

422
00:37:21,164 --> 00:37:22,748
take a load off your feet?

423
00:37:22,749 --> 00:37:23,749
Uh,

424
00:37:26,002 --> 00:37:29,338
uh, Sal, I gotta be gettin' on home.

425
00:37:29,339 --> 00:37:31,006
I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

426
00:37:31,007 --> 00:37:32,716
And consider that Lamar's future

427
00:37:32,717 --> 00:37:36,095
hangs in the balance.

428
00:37:36,096 --> 00:37:38,639
Fuck, Sal, I
only got one way to go.

429
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:40,350
One way at a time is enough for me.

430
00:37:41,476 --> 00:37:43,852
Inside, Lamar, or you gonna find

431
00:37:43,853 --> 00:37:46,189
your ass drawing unemployment checks.

432
00:37:49,776 --> 00:37:51,528
Mm, motherfucker.

433
00:37:52,571 --> 00:37:54,780
Rising from the
smoldering ashes of rebellion

434
00:37:54,781 --> 00:37:56,865
♪ Ba, ba, boom, deez ♪

435
00:37:56,866 --> 00:37:59,118
♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, dee ♪

436
00:37:59,119 --> 00:38:00,202
Spread with the speed of...

437
00:38:00,203 --> 00:38:01,537
Come on, let's watch.

438
00:38:01,538 --> 00:38:03,497
Yeah, Beau, let's watch.

439
00:38:03,498 --> 00:38:05,457
Gathered power and force,

440
00:38:05,458 --> 00:38:07,710
feeding on itself, a firestorm

441
00:38:07,711 --> 00:38:09,629
of a new moral conception.

442
00:38:16,469 --> 00:38:17,720
- Beau, I bet...
- Shhh.

443
00:38:17,721 --> 00:38:20,139
The holocaust that had
developed this tiny island

444
00:38:20,140 --> 00:38:23,768
burst forth in similar
conflagrations all over the globe.

445
00:38:24,603 --> 00:38:27,479
Born of the same torment,
a document that altered

446
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:29,280
the fate of oppressed millions,

447
00:38:29,774 --> 00:38:32,693
The Emancipation Proclamation
signaled the abolition

448
00:38:32,694 --> 00:38:35,529
of slavery in the United
States of America.

449
00:38:35,530 --> 00:38:39,366
What to do? I cooperate or lose my job.

450
00:38:39,367 --> 00:38:41,869
Lamar has a simple choice:

451
00:38:41,870 --> 00:38:43,829
either he comes across in the sack,

452
00:38:43,830 --> 00:38:46,415
or it's goodbye correspondence school.

453
00:38:46,416 --> 00:38:49,293
But when you're the boss
lady, who's going to argue?

454
00:38:49,294 --> 00:38:51,921
Men and music go together.

455
00:38:54,007 --> 00:38:55,216
Get to work, Lamar.

456
00:39:01,556 --> 00:39:06,477
Rio Dio Radio, Salvation
of the Southwest,

457
00:39:06,478 --> 00:39:10,147
100,000 watts healing with faith.

458
00:39:10,148 --> 00:39:12,524
Your salvation, too, brothers and sisters,

459
00:39:12,525 --> 00:39:14,778
if you love solace and succor.

460
00:39:15,612 --> 00:39:18,697
That's right, friends, and
if you love one another.

461
00:39:18,698 --> 00:39:21,284
Yes, this is Sister Eufaula Roop.

462
00:39:22,202 --> 00:39:24,412
Easy, Sal, watch it, watch it.

463
00:39:25,580 --> 00:39:26,664
Oh, hey.

464
00:39:26,665 --> 00:39:28,208
- There we go.
- Dammit, watch it.

465
00:39:28,249 --> 00:39:30,417
This is our afternoon healing session,

466
00:39:30,418 --> 00:39:33,212
an afternoon of solace and succor.

467
00:39:33,213 --> 00:39:34,672
But before we commence with it,

468
00:39:34,673 --> 00:39:38,509
I'd like to ask you this
very personal question.

469
00:39:38,510 --> 00:39:41,261
Have you received your Mount Rushmore

470
00:39:41,262 --> 00:39:44,264
and Holy Land satin
occasional pillows yet?

471
00:39:44,265 --> 00:39:47,643
Folks from all over our
38-state listening area

472
00:39:47,644 --> 00:39:49,853
have been writing in with repeat,

473
00:39:49,854 --> 00:39:54,024
yes, I said repeat orders
for these lovely pillows.

474
00:39:54,025 --> 00:39:56,151
They just can't get enough of them.

475
00:39:56,152 --> 00:39:59,780
If you haven't ordered yours,
listen to this description

476
00:39:59,781 --> 00:40:03,075
and see if you can resist the opportunity

477
00:40:03,076 --> 00:40:06,245
to own your own set of Mount Rushmore

478
00:40:06,246 --> 00:40:09,249
and Holy Land satin occasional pillows,

479
00:40:13,002 --> 00:40:17,256
Yes, George Washington, Abraham
Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt,

480
00:40:17,257 --> 00:40:20,384
and Aaron Burr gaze out
at you in the privacy

481
00:40:20,385 --> 00:40:22,595
of your own living room.

482
00:40:24,347 --> 00:40:25,514
Dammit, girl, I told you

483
00:40:25,515 --> 00:40:27,599
This just ain't the way I do it!

484
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:28,600
- This isn't...
- All right.

485
00:40:28,601 --> 00:40:30,227
What I like to do.

486
00:40:30,228 --> 00:40:33,397
...Dead Sea, Noah's Ark,
and the Wailing Wall,

487
00:40:33,398 --> 00:40:35,315
bringing the good book to life right...

488
00:40:35,316 --> 00:40:37,151
Dammit, Sal.

489
00:40:37,152 --> 00:40:38,736
I just don't do it this way.

490
00:40:38,737 --> 00:40:39,696
Now wait.

491
00:40:39,697 --> 00:40:41,656
- Right on.
- No, wait, I tell you.

492
00:40:43,158 --> 00:40:43,992
No, no, no.

493
00:40:43,993 --> 00:40:47,453
Just send cash or a bonafide
U.S. postal money order

494
00:40:47,454 --> 00:40:50,623
and your name and address,
but no stamps or personal checks...

495
00:40:51,833 --> 00:40:55,127
To "Pillow," Rio Dio, Texas.

496
00:40:55,128 --> 00:40:56,962
And now, friends, yes, it's time

497
00:40:56,963 --> 00:40:59,214
for our afternoon healing session.

498
00:40:59,215 --> 00:41:00,382
- Honey, what you doing?
- And as always,

499
00:41:00,383 --> 00:41:03,719
Radio Rio Dio's electronic miracle,

500
00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:05,304
the laying on of radio...

501
00:41:05,305 --> 00:41:06,805
I warned you, Sal.

502
00:41:06,806 --> 00:41:08,683
- I wanna get one more...
- Oh, no, you don't.

503
00:41:09,642 --> 00:41:10,893
And then we pray

504
00:41:10,894 --> 00:41:13,937
that what was split
asunder be made whole again,

505
00:41:13,938 --> 00:41:16,106
that what was weak be made strong,

506
00:41:16,107 --> 00:41:18,150
that what was short be made long,

507
00:41:18,151 --> 00:41:21,028
and what was insatiable, satiated.

508
00:41:21,029 --> 00:41:23,239
Okay, have it your way, Lamar.

509
00:41:28,119 --> 00:41:30,663
My sisters and brothers,
if you have trouble...

510
00:41:47,764 --> 00:41:49,056
Beau!

511
00:41:49,057 --> 00:41:50,057
Tyrone!

512
00:41:50,725 --> 00:41:52,726
I'm gonna whoop your ass!

513
00:41:52,727 --> 00:41:55,063
Salvation of the Southwest.

514
00:41:57,816 --> 00:41:58,942
Y'all come here!

515
00:42:09,619 --> 00:42:11,787
Beau Badger, you've been asking for that,

516
00:42:11,788 --> 00:42:13,540
you envious son of a bitch.

517
00:42:14,791 --> 00:42:16,960
Now for you, Tyrone.

518
00:42:30,598 --> 00:42:32,015
What's your hurry, Tyrone?

519
00:42:32,016 --> 00:42:32,892
I'm not in a hurry.

520
00:42:32,893 --> 00:42:34,693
It's just getting late
and I have to be going.

521
00:42:35,311 --> 00:42:37,063
Don't fuck around with
me, I don't like it.

522
00:42:39,858 --> 00:42:43,235
Go on, take that, Tyrone,
you yellow-bellied coward.

523
00:42:43,236 --> 00:42:45,195
Push that time clock for the last time,

524
00:42:45,196 --> 00:42:46,488
you peeping creeps.

525
00:42:46,489 --> 00:42:49,700
If there's anything I can't
stand, it's goddamn pre-verts.

526
00:42:49,701 --> 00:42:53,120
And that goes for you, too,
Lamar, until you see it my way.

527
00:42:53,121 --> 00:42:56,291
I can't stand a man who won't
look a good fuck in the eye.

528
00:42:59,085 --> 00:43:00,794
And so, dear friends,

529
00:43:00,795 --> 00:43:04,214
if you've got your afflicted
part on the radio together

530
00:43:04,215 --> 00:43:05,841
with your Holy Rushmore

531
00:43:05,842 --> 00:43:09,011
Satin pillow, join me now in reprising

532
00:43:09,012 --> 00:43:11,889
that wonderful favorite hymn of mine,

533
00:43:11,890 --> 00:43:14,309
"Succor Me, Succor Me."

534
00:43:19,355 --> 00:43:21,232
Asshole!

535
00:43:51,596 --> 00:43:54,514
Lamar must keep asking
himself why he's burdened

536
00:43:54,515 --> 00:43:56,308
with this cross to bear.

537
00:43:56,309 --> 00:43:58,769
And days like today add insult to injury

538
00:43:58,770 --> 00:44:01,730
to a man like Shedd, who
asks little more from life

539
00:44:01,731 --> 00:44:05,025
than a correspondence school
diploma and connubial bliss

540
00:44:05,026 --> 00:44:07,087
with the pneumatic Lavonia.

541
00:44:07,111 --> 00:44:09,905
Small wonder then that
Lamar joins Small Town

542
00:44:09,906 --> 00:44:14,077
and the nation in proclaiming,
“Thank God it's Friday.”

543
00:44:16,955 --> 00:44:20,457
Show business: there's
no business like it,

544
00:44:20,458 --> 00:44:23,168
not even in easygoing Small Town.

545
00:44:23,169 --> 00:44:26,672
And the local superstar is Lola Langusta,

546
00:44:26,673 --> 00:44:29,758
the hottest tamale
south of the Rio Grande,

547
00:44:29,759 --> 00:44:32,636
her maddening body beating out a tattoo

548
00:44:32,637 --> 00:44:35,138
on the libido of her sweaty audience.

549
00:44:35,139 --> 00:44:37,224
Lola Langusta,

550
00:44:37,225 --> 00:44:39,643
a gringo audience-pleaser;

551
00:44:39,644 --> 00:44:42,646
numero uno, yes, sir.

552
00:44:42,647 --> 00:44:46,359
Number one, as they say down Mexico way.

553
00:44:52,949 --> 00:44:55,409
Well, Lamar is a few minutes late.

554
00:44:55,410 --> 00:44:58,829
Instead of heading straight
home to the bosom of his family,

555
00:44:58,830 --> 00:45:01,832
Small Town's all-American
working man can't resist

556
00:45:01,833 --> 00:45:05,586
a refreshing pause and
a long, cool tall one.

557
00:45:06,462 --> 00:45:10,465
But why this place of all
the watering holes in town?

558
00:45:10,466 --> 00:45:13,885
Fate, or have the rigors
of the day turned Lamar

559
00:45:13,886 --> 00:45:16,889
on to the intrigue that lurks within?

560
00:45:40,955 --> 00:45:44,292
Oh.

561
00:46:23,081 --> 00:46:24,081
I'd like some beer.

562
00:46:26,167 --> 00:46:27,418
Mm.

563
00:46:36,844 --> 00:46:40,722
That Lola Langusta looks like
one pretty familiar tamale.

564
00:46:40,723 --> 00:46:42,557
As a matter of fact, she's a dead ringer

565
00:46:42,558 --> 00:46:44,851
for Lavonia, Lamar's old lady.

566
00:46:44,852 --> 00:46:47,062
- Well, let me see...
- That'll be two bucks.

567
00:46:47,063 --> 00:46:48,647
Maybe the hair is a little different,

568
00:46:48,648 --> 00:46:50,482
but you'll see that's Lavonia herself

569
00:46:50,483 --> 00:46:52,651
under all that war paint.

570
00:46:52,652 --> 00:46:55,278
If you'll just search
your memory a little,

571
00:46:55,279 --> 00:46:56,905
maybe you'll remember that she ran

572
00:46:56,906 --> 00:47:00,075
into a Frederico's of
Wisconsin lingerie drummer,

573
00:47:00,076 --> 00:47:04,579
Semper Fidelis, who planted
a seed in Lavonia's mind,

574
00:47:04,580 --> 00:47:06,706
an idea, a way to maybe get

575
00:47:06,707 --> 00:47:09,417
around Lamar's bizarre sexual leanings

576
00:47:09,418 --> 00:47:12,212
and set him back on the
straight and narrow again.

577
00:47:12,213 --> 00:47:14,256
All it would take,
Lavonia figured, would be

578
00:47:14,257 --> 00:47:17,551
a clever disguise and some
disarming Mexican lingo

579
00:47:17,552 --> 00:47:20,554
sexy enough to turn Lamar around.

580
00:47:20,555 --> 00:47:22,013
But even so, wouldn't you think

581
00:47:22,014 --> 00:47:25,518
a guy would recognize his
own old lady, even in a wig?

582
00:47:26,394 --> 00:47:28,520
I guess what you gotta
keep in mind here is

583
00:47:28,521 --> 00:47:30,105
that we're dealing with a guy

584
00:47:30,106 --> 00:47:32,984
who only has an IQ of about 37.

585
00:47:58,301 --> 00:48:01,052
Well, that's one way of
getting someone's attention,

586
00:48:01,053 --> 00:48:04,140
even a guy who's not exactly
playing with a full deck.

587
00:48:34,086 --> 00:48:36,671
Looks like there's a
Michael Finn in the house.

588
00:48:36,672 --> 00:48:39,634
That lozenge would stop Godzilla's clock.

589
00:48:43,429 --> 00:48:44,429
Thank you, ma'am.

590
00:48:48,392 --> 00:48:49,392
Nice.

591
00:49:35,564 --> 00:49:37,941
Kieza, carry Lamar upstairs.

592
00:49:37,942 --> 00:49:40,360
It's a good thing Lamar
didn't finish his beer.

593
00:49:40,361 --> 00:49:43,738
And now, Lavonia... uh, I, I mean
Lola Langusta... will attempt

594
00:49:43,739 --> 00:49:45,532
what is impossible for anyone except she

595
00:49:45,533 --> 00:49:48,285
who is the hottest tamale
both sides of the Rio Grande,

596
00:49:48,286 --> 00:49:50,537
yes, to inspire an
erection in a man drugged

597
00:49:50,538 --> 00:49:52,747
into unconsciousness by ministering

598
00:49:52,748 --> 00:49:55,959
and manipulating his dick
to every possible degree.

599
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:58,586
Her mission, to free Lamar
from beneath the valley

600
00:49:58,587 --> 00:50:00,171
so that even he will be capable

601
00:50:00,172 --> 00:50:02,800
of looking a good fuck
straight in the eye.

602
00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:06,761
There are many ways of tackling a problem,

603
00:50:06,762 --> 00:50:09,724
but a good therapist will
begin by dealing with basics.

604
00:51:16,415 --> 00:51:19,334
Resolute, undaunted,
Lola must dip more deeply

605
00:51:19,335 --> 00:51:21,921
into her reservoir of carnal magic.

606
00:51:26,675 --> 00:51:30,429
In Lola's own words,
"the black sock never fails."

607
00:51:33,766 --> 00:51:35,850
She begins by deftly threading

608
00:51:35,851 --> 00:51:38,729
Lamar's limber burrito into it.

609
00:51:54,370 --> 00:51:58,540
In no time at all, Lola
Langusta's efforts will pay off,

610
00:51:58,541 --> 00:52:01,668
shifting gears to the
old broom handle fly.

611
00:52:01,669 --> 00:52:05,214
Ah, the maximum result
is almost instantaneous.

612
00:52:20,521 --> 00:52:22,898
All that remains is the ultimate test.

613
00:52:31,073 --> 00:52:32,991
Lola celebrates the excellent results

614
00:52:32,992 --> 00:52:35,827
of her administrations
using Lamar's inert body

615
00:52:35,828 --> 00:52:38,789
beneath her as a living dildo.

616
00:52:49,258 --> 00:52:52,303
Where am [?

617
00:52:53,387 --> 00:52:54,387
What happened?

618
00:52:57,933 --> 00:52:58,933
What?

619
00:53:06,567 --> 00:53:09,152
One can readily see that
Lola's thing boils down

620
00:53:09,153 --> 00:53:11,906
to good straight sex and no funny stuff.

621
00:53:13,449 --> 00:53:16,951
A silent willing man is
a good willing member.

622
00:53:16,952 --> 00:53:20,289
♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay ♪

623
00:53:43,812 --> 00:53:45,523
What happened?

624
00:53:46,815 --> 00:53:50,194
Hey, uh, what's happening?

625
00:54:17,930 --> 00:54:20,765
To dry out an alcoholic
requires more than conversation,

626
00:54:20,766 --> 00:54:23,351
and to turn around Lamar's
rear-window tendencies,

627
00:54:23,352 --> 00:54:26,354
Lola... or Lavonia, as you choose... knows

628
00:54:26,355 --> 00:54:27,814
that the service she has rendered,

629
00:54:27,815 --> 00:54:31,985
though spectacularly therapeutic,
hardly represents a cure.

630
00:54:31,986 --> 00:54:34,696
One thing for sure, Lola's got to get rid

631
00:54:34,697 --> 00:54:38,324
of Lamar pronto if the healing
therapy is to continue.

632
00:54:38,325 --> 00:54:40,952
And the classic threat
of a returning husband,

633
00:54:40,953 --> 00:54:43,955
certainly under the
circumstances, is a sure bet

634
00:54:43,956 --> 00:54:45,999
to get the show on the road.

635
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:48,459
Even though Lola's lingo is still Latin,

636
00:54:48,460 --> 00:54:50,712
she dishes up a pretty fair picture of her

637
00:54:50,713 --> 00:54:53,548
freaked-out old man:
seven feet tall

638
00:54:53,549 --> 00:54:55,883
and meaner than a junk yard dog

639
00:54:55,884 --> 00:54:57,885
with a pig sticker twice the size

640
00:54:57,886 --> 00:54:59,429
of the one she's wielding.

641
00:54:59,430 --> 00:55:02,432
And to guild the lily, a stated backup

642
00:55:02,433 --> 00:55:07,020
of six burly, bloodthirsty,
gringo-hating vaqueros...

643
00:55:07,021 --> 00:55:09,355
Mexican cowboys to you.

644
00:55:09,356 --> 00:55:10,690
Well, Lola, ah,

645
00:55:10,691 --> 00:55:12,775
let's call her by her real name,

646
00:55:12,776 --> 00:55:15,737
Lavonia's dynamic persuasion penetrates

647
00:55:15,738 --> 00:55:20,200
Lamar's zonked gourd,
setting his ass in gear.

648
00:55:37,343 --> 00:55:39,844
Oh, lest we forget and
ignore the quantum leap

649
00:55:39,845 --> 00:55:41,638
that could make medical history,

650
00:55:41,639 --> 00:55:44,807
Lamar did fuck straight,
even though unconscious

651
00:55:44,808 --> 00:55:47,852
and protected by a long, black nylon sock.

652
00:55:47,853 --> 00:55:50,980
But, and this is
important, he still has yet

653
00:55:50,981 --> 00:55:53,691
to look a good fuck straight in the eye.

654
00:55:53,692 --> 00:55:54,902
Whoo!

655
00:55:56,278 --> 00:55:57,696
I'll be damned.

656
00:55:59,239 --> 00:56:01,492
Ya'll come back!

657
00:56:15,547 --> 00:56:16,964
You ever have one of those days

658
00:56:16,965 --> 00:56:18,842
where nothing seemed to go right?

659
00:56:21,178 --> 00:56:25,891
Well, let's see what Lola...
I mean, Lavonia... is up to.

660
00:56:31,146 --> 00:56:32,146
Thank you.

661
00:56:32,147 --> 00:56:33,398
Forgot your hat, ma'am.

662
00:56:33,399 --> 00:56:38,362
Oh, thanks, thanks very much.

663
00:56:41,156 --> 00:56:43,659
Confused? There's no need to be.

664
00:56:45,160 --> 00:56:47,287
This is really a very simple story.

665
00:56:55,170 --> 00:56:58,172
Breaker break, Wetness to Salad Bowl.

666
00:56:58,173 --> 00:57:03,053
Come on over, Mr. Peterbuilt,
and I'll eat your lunch, 10-4.

667
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:08,475
More, more, yes, more.

668
00:57:13,063 --> 00:57:14,565
More! I love it!

669
00:57:15,858 --> 00:57:18,735
3:00, almost two
hours 'til quittin' time

670
00:57:18,736 --> 00:57:22,864
in Small Town, USA, but some
folks are never ready to quit.

671
00:57:22,865 --> 00:57:25,159
Gladly do they teach,
and gladly do they learn.

672
00:57:26,201 --> 00:57:29,245
This morning, Lavonia held
summer school with young Rhett.

673
00:57:29,246 --> 00:57:31,038
Now she's doing post-graduate work

674
00:57:31,039 --> 00:57:33,333
with the industrious Mr. Peterbuilt.

675
00:57:34,668 --> 00:57:37,587
Huh, why does she look
at the clock so intently?

676
00:57:37,588 --> 00:57:39,964
Well, I expect it'll take
Lamar quite some time

677
00:57:39,965 --> 00:57:42,009
to get those blown tires changed.

678
00:57:42,885 --> 00:57:45,846
Uh-oh, sooner than I thought.

679
00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:48,932
Well, this ought to be interesting.

680
00:57:50,893 --> 00:57:51,727
- ♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay ♪
- Hey, Salad,

681
00:57:51,728 --> 00:57:52,769
this here is Seagull.

682
00:57:52,770 --> 00:57:53,645
Where the hell you at?

683
00:57:53,646 --> 00:57:55,730
I got a week's load of
salad parked out back

684
00:57:55,731 --> 00:57:57,371
drawing flies, 10-4.

685
00:58:14,583 --> 00:58:18,419
I love it!

686
00:58:18,420 --> 00:58:19,463
More, more.

687
00:58:24,092 --> 00:58:26,969
Give it to me.
I want more!

688
00:58:26,970 --> 00:58:30,890
Cock, cock, more cock.

689
00:58:30,891 --> 00:58:33,352
Lavonia, say something in Mexican.

690
00:58:36,563 --> 00:58:38,440
I said say something in Mexican.

691
00:58:39,483 --> 00:58:43,069
Adios.

692
00:58:43,070 --> 00:58:45,446
What about these things, this wig?

693
00:58:45,447 --> 00:58:48,991
What about this dress and
these goddamn red shoes?

694
00:58:48,992 --> 00:58:51,369
You know them samples I got, baby.

695
00:58:51,370 --> 00:58:52,621
In a pig's ass!

696
00:58:53,455 --> 00:58:54,873
Who the fuck is that?

697
00:59:13,267 --> 00:59:15,477
Mr. Peterbuilt, picking on poor Lamar.

698
00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:20,273
Get out, out, out.

699
00:59:20,274 --> 00:59:22,692
Get out, out.

700
00:59:22,693 --> 00:59:26,529
I said get out! Out and never come back.

701
00:59:26,530 --> 00:59:27,865
Ugh.

702
00:59:35,247 --> 00:59:37,624
And next time, wash these goddamn pants.

703
00:59:40,502 --> 00:59:43,087
You may be the best lay
in Small Town, USA,

704
00:59:43,088 --> 00:59:45,339
Mr. Peterbuilt, but no matter!

705
00:59:45,340 --> 00:59:47,550
You'll hear from
my attorney in the morning!

706
00:59:47,551 --> 00:59:49,343
It won't hold up in court.

707
00:59:49,344 --> 00:59:51,095
Besides, Peterbuilt's all talk,

708
00:59:51,096 --> 00:59:52,931
and Lavonia's got his number.

709
00:59:53,891 --> 00:59:56,267
Could it be that there's
more here than meets the eye?

710
00:59:56,268 --> 00:59:58,853
You only thought
I was doing something bad,

711
00:59:58,854 --> 01:00:01,689
Lamar, that you saw me being unfaithful.

712
01:00:01,690 --> 01:00:02,770
That settles it, Lavonia.

713
01:00:03,525 --> 01:00:05,693
We've gotta have help,
professional help,

714
01:00:05,694 --> 01:00:07,028
if we're going save this relationship.

715
01:00:07,029 --> 01:00:09,155
Save their relationship?

716
01:00:09,156 --> 01:00:11,616
Well, maybe a means to an end.

717
01:00:11,617 --> 01:00:13,743
There's no question in my mind, Lavonia.

718
01:00:13,744 --> 01:00:15,828
The only man who can solve my problem

719
01:00:15,829 --> 01:00:18,040
is Dr. Asa Lavender.

720
01:00:19,917 --> 01:00:21,375
For years, he's been Small Town's

721
01:00:21,376 --> 01:00:25,172
friendly next-door dentist and
part-time marriage counselor.

722
01:00:26,131 --> 01:00:28,424
Uh-oh, here they come.

723
01:00:28,425 --> 01:00:31,302
Well, as I was saying, even
in peaceful Small Town,

724
01:00:31,303 --> 01:00:34,680
there's not much Dr.
Lavender hasn't seen or done.

725
01:00:34,681 --> 01:00:36,599
But this is a case for the record books:

726
01:00:36,600 --> 01:00:38,809
a handsome young man
with a beautiful woman,

727
01:00:38,810 --> 01:00:41,896
and he can only satisfy his needs by...

728
01:00:41,897 --> 01:00:45,024
Well, you know Lamar's problem.

729
01:00:45,025 --> 01:00:47,777
Lavonia's problem, if we
can call it a problem,

730
01:00:47,778 --> 01:00:49,654
is far less complicated.

731
01:00:49,655 --> 01:00:53,366
She suffers from enthusiasm.

732
01:00:53,367 --> 01:00:57,203
Well, anyway, it's a case
for individual therapy

733
01:00:57,204 --> 01:01:00,039
as we leave Lavonia and
Lamar to the tender mercies

734
01:01:00,040 --> 01:01:03,834
of Dr. Lavender and Nurse Flovilla Thatch.

735
01:01:03,835 --> 01:01:06,337
Well, and what is your problem today?

736
01:01:06,338 --> 01:01:07,798
I can only get it off when I...

737
01:01:09,174 --> 01:01:10,341
When I'm rimming Lavonia.

738
01:01:10,342 --> 01:01:11,717
All the...

739
01:01:11,718 --> 01:01:12,552
- Yeah, and it's a...
- ...toilet paper.

740
01:01:12,553 --> 01:01:13,594
...real pain in the ass.

741
01:01:13,595 --> 01:01:15,763
Yeah, yes, I understand.

742
01:01:15,764 --> 01:01:17,431
- Oh, yes, of course.
- Well, the problem

743
01:01:17,432 --> 01:01:20,601
is really Lamar, as I've only
come to have my teeth cleaned.

744
01:01:20,602 --> 01:01:23,896
Teeth cleaned, yes.

745
01:01:23,897 --> 01:01:26,899
Well, uh, I see, first things first.

746
01:01:26,900 --> 01:01:30,695
Uh, you come with me, my dear,

747
01:01:30,696 --> 01:01:34,491
while, uh, Nurse Thatch gives a, uh,

748
01:01:35,325 --> 01:01:38,411
Nurse Thatch gives a,
uh, preliminary diagnosis

749
01:01:38,412 --> 01:01:40,831
of the man.

750
01:01:45,627 --> 01:01:48,839
What a gorgeous-looking couple!

751
01:02:01,768 --> 01:02:03,060
Oh, ma'am, that could, that could lead

752
01:02:03,061 --> 01:02:04,730
to a whole pack of trouble.

753
01:02:04,771 --> 01:02:07,481
What you wanna go messing
with my problem for?

754
01:02:07,482 --> 01:02:08,482
Don't you know what they say

755
01:02:08,483 --> 01:02:10,777
about pouring more oil on the fire?

756
01:02:21,830 --> 01:02:23,581
You've got it all wrong.

757
01:02:23,582 --> 01:02:24,499
- Lavonia?
- Stop.

758
01:02:24,500 --> 01:02:28,085
Lamar, this
is not what I wanted.

759
01:02:28,086 --> 01:02:29,170
This ain't my idea

760
01:02:29,171 --> 01:02:31,840
- of a good time.
- See, I fuck like a real man...

761
01:02:32,674 --> 01:02:33,883
Shut up, bitch.

762
01:02:33,884 --> 01:02:36,428
You just led me down
the prime-rose path...

763
01:02:37,262 --> 01:02:38,346
Like everyone.

764
01:02:43,060 --> 01:02:45,311
You bitch.

765
01:02:45,312 --> 01:02:46,312
Oh, why can't,

766
01:02:46,313 --> 01:02:48,523
Why can't a woman be more like a man?

767
01:02:53,987 --> 01:02:56,490
Let's switch!

768
01:02:59,326 --> 01:03:01,536
- Be more like a man...
- Yes?

769
01:03:05,499 --> 01:03:06,499
Ugh.

770
01:03:11,338 --> 01:03:12,506
Holy fag!

771
01:03:13,757 --> 01:03:15,549
- Oh, shit.
- Cunt.

772
01:03:15,550 --> 01:03:17,551
Passion, passion!

773
01:03:17,552 --> 01:03:20,638
- My aching anus.
- Hey, what's happening?

774
01:03:20,639 --> 01:03:23,140
It's nothing your old man can't handle.

775
01:03:23,141 --> 01:03:26,477
Oh, that'd get old quick.

776
01:03:26,478 --> 01:03:27,562
Mm-hmm.

777
01:03:34,569 --> 01:03:36,071
Stay outta my closet, you bitch.

778
01:03:38,365 --> 01:03:39,908
Oh.

779
01:03:41,701 --> 01:03:44,955
Pussycat? Pussycat?

780
01:03:46,081 --> 01:03:47,124
Meow.

781
01:03:49,417 --> 01:03:51,669
We're gonna have a good time.

782
01:03:51,670 --> 01:03:52,962
Let's see.

783
01:03:52,963 --> 01:03:53,963
Pussy.

784
01:03:54,923 --> 01:03:57,967
- Meow, meow.
- 17 inches divided by two is...

785
01:03:57,968 --> 01:04:01,303
Pussycat, pussycat.

786
01:04:01,304 --> 01:04:03,389
Pussy?

787
01:04:03,390 --> 01:04:04,390
Cunt.

788
01:04:25,495 --> 01:04:27,454
You hear me, Lamar Shedd?

789
01:04:27,455 --> 01:04:29,665
I'm speaking to you, slut.

790
01:04:29,666 --> 01:04:32,209
Jezebel. Paramour.

791
01:04:32,210 --> 01:04:34,921
Lamar, this is your last chance.

792
01:04:44,097 --> 01:04:47,016
Lamar, your queen is speaking to you.

793
01:04:47,017 --> 01:04:48,642
Do you hear me?

794
01:04:48,643 --> 01:04:49,643
Lamar?

795
01:04:54,316 --> 01:04:55,316
You bitch.

796
01:05:12,626 --> 01:05:15,669
Lamar, don't you play games with me!

797
01:05:15,670 --> 01:05:18,464
You vacate my closet immediately!

798
01:05:18,465 --> 01:05:19,883
Do you hear me, you cunt?

799
01:05:21,009 --> 01:05:23,637
Get out right now or
I'll knock down the door.

800
01:05:24,763 --> 01:05:28,391
No, really, fuck you,
bitch, you closet queen!

801
01:05:34,856 --> 01:05:37,067
All right, you bitch, you just wait!

802
01:05:59,965 --> 01:06:03,217
Lamar Shedd, your
obstinacy is forcing me

803
01:06:03,218 --> 01:06:05,594
to measures most extreme.

804
01:06:05,595 --> 01:06:07,680
Come out, come out, or I'll huff

805
01:06:07,681 --> 01:06:10,349
and I'll puff and I'll
blow the door down!

806
01:06:10,350 --> 01:06:12,894
Lamar, stand aside.

807
01:06:16,147 --> 01:06:17,148
Lamar?

808
01:06:18,233 --> 01:06:22,070
Lamar, are you all right, pussycat?

809
01:06:22,946 --> 01:06:25,031
Lamar, Daddy didn't hurt you, did he?

810
01:06:26,199 --> 01:06:28,033
- Pussy?
- Fuck you, faggot.

811
01:06:28,034 --> 01:06:30,245
Well, that's all I mean to you?

812
01:06:31,288 --> 01:06:33,414
Fuck you, whore.

813
01:06:33,415 --> 01:06:35,041
You dirty bitch!

814
01:06:36,126 --> 01:06:39,129
You dirty slut!

815
01:06:44,467 --> 01:06:46,927
You forced me to extreme measures!

816
01:06:46,928 --> 01:06:49,346
I will not be denied.

817
01:06:49,347 --> 01:06:51,682
My needs will be fulfilled.

818
01:06:51,683 --> 01:06:54,518
And I pray, bitch, that you should drink

819
01:06:54,519 --> 01:06:57,147
the black sperm of my vengeance.

820
01:06:58,315 --> 01:07:02,651
You dirty slut!

821
01:07:02,652 --> 01:07:04,237
You dirty bitch!

822
01:07:05,113 --> 01:07:08,783
You bitch!

823
01:07:17,208 --> 01:07:20,587
I'm gonna get you, dead or alive.

824
01:07:22,047 --> 01:07:23,256
You bitch!

825
01:07:25,050 --> 01:07:26,092
Oh, God!

826
01:07:35,393 --> 01:07:39,022
But you're stubborn.
Your bitch is coming in!

827
01:07:46,529 --> 01:07:48,405
You think you can play with me?

828
01:07:48,406 --> 01:07:49,282
You can't!

829
01:07:49,283 --> 01:07:51,743
I'm going to just saw away on my door.

830
01:07:53,536 --> 01:07:55,413
I'm going to kick and marry you.

831
01:07:56,373 --> 01:07:58,207
Lover been bad.

832
01:07:58,208 --> 01:07:59,959
Kiss me, I'm coming.

833
01:08:03,922 --> 01:08:04,922
A toupee?

834
01:08:07,217 --> 01:08:09,636
Even your hair's phony.

835
01:08:14,224 --> 01:08:16,893
Lavonia! Lavonia.

836
01:08:17,894 --> 01:08:20,354
We gotta get the fuck
outta this madhouse!

837
01:08:20,355 --> 01:08:23,024
More! More!

838
01:08:24,692 --> 01:08:25,859
- More cock!
- Lavonia.

839
01:08:25,860 --> 01:08:27,277
- I'm wet!
- We gotta get

840
01:08:27,278 --> 01:08:28,758
the hell outta here.

841
01:08:30,949 --> 01:08:33,535
Goddamn, let's get outta here.

842
01:08:37,163 --> 01:08:38,665
Oh, Lamar.

843
01:08:40,792 --> 01:08:43,252
More big cock.

844
01:08:43,253 --> 01:08:45,295
Yeah, okay,
I'm, I'm ready, I'm ready.

845
01:08:45,296 --> 01:08:46,297
Lamar...

846
01:08:47,549 --> 01:08:49,675
You're a discredit to the
marriage counseling profession.

847
01:08:49,676 --> 01:08:51,344
Fuck you, pussycat!

848
01:08:51,386 --> 01:08:52,595
Humbug!

849
01:09:05,567 --> 01:09:06,692
If that was any example

850
01:09:06,693 --> 01:09:08,902
of Dr. Lavender's professional standards,

851
01:09:08,903 --> 01:09:12,030
his shingle should be hanging
by a mighty thin thread.

852
01:09:12,031 --> 01:09:15,409
He'd even give malpractice
a clean bill of health.

853
01:09:15,410 --> 01:09:16,827
And as for Lamar,

854
01:09:16,828 --> 01:09:19,913
I'd say he's just about
at the end of his rope.

855
01:09:19,914 --> 01:09:23,834
He's exhausted his options
by barking up the wrong tree.

856
01:09:23,835 --> 01:09:25,794
Either he gets his own ass in gear

857
01:09:25,795 --> 01:09:30,800
or it's goodbye, Lavonia, and
all that fun and loving. Pity.

858
01:09:34,804 --> 01:09:37,682
You and your goddamn bright ideas.

859
01:09:42,228 --> 01:09:44,521
If Lamar is ever gonna find deliverance,

860
01:09:44,522 --> 01:09:47,734
he'll have to shoot the rapids
in someone else's canoe.

861
01:09:53,031 --> 01:09:55,407
You're tuned to Rio Dio Radio,

862
01:09:55,408 --> 01:09:58,118
Heaven's top 40,
where for one week only,

863
01:09:58,119 --> 01:10:01,663
we're offering our genuine
plastic illuminated waterfall

864
01:10:01,664 --> 01:10:03,499
for only $9.98.

865
01:10:03,500 --> 01:10:07,211
That's right, $9.98, postage
and handling included.

866
01:10:07,212 --> 01:10:10,255
Gosh, neighbors, you'll
want to appreciate this work

867
01:10:10,256 --> 01:10:12,008
of art in your own parlor.

868
01:10:12,050 --> 01:10:14,092
It looks like a real waterfall.

869
01:10:14,093 --> 01:10:17,262
Reminds me of my
wonderful trip to Tijuana...

870
01:10:17,263 --> 01:10:19,306
Uh, I mean Niagara.

871
01:10:19,307 --> 01:10:21,141
And yet unlike a real waterfall,

872
01:10:21,142 --> 01:10:24,019
it will never disappoint
you by running dry.

873
01:10:24,020 --> 01:10:27,689
It's made of durable,
industrial-strength plastic designed

874
01:10:27,690 --> 01:10:29,983
to keep running day in and day out,

875
01:10:29,984 --> 01:10:34,154
month after month, year after
year, batteries not included.

876
01:10:34,155 --> 01:10:37,616
Just send $9.98, but no
stamps or checks, please,

877
01:10:37,617 --> 01:10:41,495
brothers and sisters, to
"Waterfall," Rio Dio, Texas,

878
01:10:41,496 --> 01:10:43,830
care of Sister Eufaula Roop,

879
01:10:43,831 --> 01:10:47,334
the Top-40 faith healer and
salvator of the Southwest,

880
01:10:47,335 --> 01:10:49,795
saying think about this question:

881
01:10:49,796 --> 01:10:52,673
have you considered
trading in self-abuse

882
01:10:52,674 --> 01:10:54,955
for self-realization?

883
01:10:59,097 --> 01:11:01,682
Yes, self-realization
through the liquid of life

884
01:11:01,683 --> 01:11:04,810
which gave birth to us
all, to the little birdies

885
01:11:04,811 --> 01:11:07,104
and the little fishies,
the little doggies,

886
01:11:07,105 --> 01:11:09,565
the little Kewpies, and the little babies.

887
01:11:09,566 --> 01:11:11,900
And isn't that wonderful?

888
01:11:11,901 --> 01:11:15,905
Water cleansing the body,
the soul, the extremities.

889
01:11:16,739 --> 01:11:19,575
Immersion is the only answer.

890
01:11:19,576 --> 01:11:24,581
Water to nurture, to succor,
to inundate, to cleanse...

891
01:11:24,872 --> 01:11:28,333
Golly, it's a beautiful notion.

892
01:11:28,334 --> 01:11:30,627
And by gosh, brothers and sisters,

893
01:11:30,628 --> 01:11:32,254
the very thought just makes pins

894
01:11:32,255 --> 01:11:35,341
and needles race up and down my spine.

895
01:11:38,970 --> 01:11:41,388
And now let me ask you something, friends.

896
01:11:41,389 --> 01:11:43,473
How many times have you found yourself

897
01:11:43,474 --> 01:11:46,393
- in the doghouse?
- Lavonia, if this don't work,

898
01:11:46,394 --> 01:11:48,104
then I'll never bother you again.

899
01:11:50,273 --> 01:11:53,610
Maybe what you need is
our new twelve cells...

900
01:11:57,196 --> 01:12:00,282
That's right, twelve cells
for extra power.

901
01:12:00,283 --> 01:12:02,909
You never know when an
emergency will come up,

902
01:12:02,910 --> 01:12:05,329
and two cells just won't do.

903
01:12:05,330 --> 01:12:07,831
Two cells is fine for the little jobs.

904
01:12:07,832 --> 01:12:09,791
But for the big jobs,

905
01:12:09,792 --> 01:12:14,004
you need a big, handsome flashlight!

906
01:12:14,005 --> 01:12:17,216
A, a 12-cell flashlight,

907
01:12:18,760 --> 01:12:21,345
longer lasting.

908
01:12:21,346 --> 01:12:23,014
It won't go off.

909
01:12:23,056 --> 01:12:27,225
I mean, it won't go out
when you need it most.

910
01:12:27,226 --> 01:12:31,021
And now, today's laying on
of radio healing service

911
01:12:31,022 --> 01:12:33,315
will come in an hour.

912
01:12:33,316 --> 01:12:36,360
Uh, but first, um,

913
01:12:36,361 --> 01:12:37,611
this interview.

914
01:12:37,612 --> 01:12:40,947
Uh, yes, dear friends,
and you are dear to me,

915
01:12:40,948 --> 01:12:42,783
each and every single one of you.

916
01:12:42,784 --> 01:12:44,701
I can't tell you how much.

917
01:12:44,702 --> 01:12:48,330
And, and now, uh, today's
laying on of radio,

918
01:12:48,331 --> 01:12:52,000
uh, yes, radio healing service
will be delayed for an hour

919
01:12:52,001 --> 01:12:55,879
because of technical
difficulties beyond our desires,

920
01:12:55,880 --> 01:12:58,006
uh, I mean beyond our control, that is.

921
01:12:58,007 --> 01:13:00,884
But I promise you,
dear, dear, dear friends,

922
01:13:00,885 --> 01:13:02,552
that just as soon as I can,

923
01:13:02,553 --> 01:13:05,931
um, as soon as I can
straight out my technical,

924
01:13:05,932 --> 01:13:10,060
uh, uh, uh,

925
01:13:10,061 --> 01:13:13,021
My problems, my sexual, uh, my,

926
01:13:13,022 --> 01:13:15,732
uh, my technical
difficulties, we'll be back.

927
01:13:15,733 --> 01:13:18,610
Because each and every
one's dear to me, that is,

928
01:13:18,611 --> 01:13:20,237
so join with us now

929
01:13:20,238 --> 01:13:23,241
in this interlude of uplifting hymns.

930
01:13:29,414 --> 01:13:31,123
What can I do for you, brother?

931
01:13:31,124 --> 01:13:32,874
I wanna be saved.

932
01:13:32,875 --> 01:13:34,626
I wanna be solaced and succored.

933
01:13:34,627 --> 01:13:35,627
Hmm.

934
01:13:44,303 --> 01:13:47,265
Let me slip into something more devout.

935
01:13:57,358 --> 01:14:00,110
Breaker, break,
Wetness to Salad Bowl,

936
01:14:00,111 --> 01:14:02,231
my lube job's overdue.

937
01:14:07,076 --> 01:14:09,327
Please, oh, more cock.

938
01:14:09,328 --> 01:14:10,538
Oh, more cock.

939
01:14:27,096 --> 01:14:29,556
Brothers and sisters,
we now interrupt this program.

940
01:14:29,557 --> 01:14:32,100
Radio Rio Dio in Rio Dio, Texas,

941
01:14:32,101 --> 01:14:35,228
100,000 watts of
faith-healing power, brings you

942
01:14:35,229 --> 01:14:37,731
for the first time live from our studio

943
01:14:37,732 --> 01:14:39,107
an on-the-spot-coverage

944
01:14:39,108 --> 01:14:41,067
Of an actual solace and succor service

945
01:14:41,068 --> 01:14:44,780
by your own Sister Eufaula
Roop, who will heal a young man

946
01:14:44,781 --> 01:14:45,989
whose name is being withheld

947
01:14:45,990 --> 01:14:48,150
pending notification of next of kin.

948
01:14:51,871 --> 01:14:54,456
Now we take you live to
Studio A, Sister Roop,

949
01:14:54,457 --> 01:14:56,249
Sinner X, and the Double Joy.

950
01:14:56,250 --> 01:14:58,376
Are you ready to begin
the service? Are we?

951
01:14:58,377 --> 01:15:00,420
Is it time to heal?

952
01:15:00,421 --> 01:15:01,880
Is it? Are you ready to give yourself

953
01:15:01,881 --> 01:15:04,257
over to the experience, are you?

954
01:15:04,258 --> 01:15:06,259
Come with me in the time of life.

955
01:15:06,260 --> 01:15:09,680
Come to the cleansing
water, oh, yes, the water.

956
01:15:15,394 --> 01:15:19,564
Yes, oh, yes, the water
will wash us clean, oh, yes.

957
01:15:19,565 --> 01:15:20,774
The water will clean us,

958
01:15:20,775 --> 01:15:22,442
- yes, oh, yes.
- I can't...

959
01:15:22,443 --> 01:15:24,486
The water will wash us clean, yes.

960
01:15:24,487 --> 01:15:26,321
The water will wash us clean again

961
01:15:26,322 --> 01:15:28,907
in our bodies and our souls, yes!

962
01:15:28,908 --> 01:15:32,077
Our souls and our spirits, yes!

963
01:15:32,078 --> 01:15:34,955
- Our spirits and our feet, yes!
- I can't breathe.

964
01:15:34,956 --> 01:15:38,458
Oh, yes, the water will
wash us clean, oh, yes.

965
01:15:38,459 --> 01:15:39,918
Are you washed?

966
01:15:39,919 --> 01:15:41,963
Are you washed?

967
01:15:43,172 --> 01:15:44,590
Are you washed?

968
01:15:45,508 --> 01:15:47,759
- Are you washed?
- Yes, I'm washed.

969
01:15:47,760 --> 01:15:49,052
Are you?

970
01:15:49,053 --> 01:15:51,847
Will we find deliverance? Will we?

971
01:15:51,848 --> 01:15:54,850
Will we find the harmony, eternity?

972
01:15:54,851 --> 01:15:55,934
Will we?

973
01:15:55,935 --> 01:15:58,395
- Will we find humbling?
- I can't breathe.

974
01:15:58,396 --> 01:15:59,355
- Will we?
- I can't breathe.

975
01:15:59,356 --> 01:16:01,898
Then stay there. Will we?

976
01:16:01,899 --> 01:16:04,943
Will we find salvation? Will we?

977
01:16:04,944 --> 01:16:07,112
Will we find deliverance?

978
01:16:07,113 --> 01:16:11,199
Will we? Will we find
the aura of eternity?

979
01:16:11,200 --> 01:16:13,243
Will we? Will we reach karma?

980
01:16:13,244 --> 01:16:14,078
- Please...
- Will we?

981
01:16:14,079 --> 01:16:16,746
And savior, will we? We must.

982
01:16:16,747 --> 01:16:18,331
- No.
- We must be saved.

983
01:16:18,332 --> 01:16:19,332
- We must...
- Stop it.

984
01:16:19,333 --> 01:16:21,042
We must be saved. We must.

985
01:16:21,043 --> 01:16:22,335
- Please.
- We must, we must,

986
01:16:22,336 --> 01:16:23,336
- we must.
- Stop.

987
01:16:23,337 --> 01:16:25,213
Come, come with me now.

988
01:16:25,214 --> 01:16:26,090
- No.
- Come.

989
01:16:26,091 --> 01:16:27,966
- Stop being a bitch.
- Come with me now, come.

990
01:16:27,967 --> 01:16:30,677
And beside me now, come, come.

991
01:16:30,678 --> 01:16:31,970
It's time to come.

992
01:16:31,971 --> 01:16:33,972
- You're it.
- We must be delivered.

993
01:16:33,973 --> 01:16:36,182
We must, we must be saved.

994
01:16:36,183 --> 01:16:37,684
Wash me, wash me.

995
01:16:37,685 --> 01:16:39,477
Through reincarnation.

996
01:16:39,478 --> 01:16:41,646
Heal my radio. Heal me.

997
01:16:41,647 --> 01:16:43,440
In this life really or in the next.

998
01:16:43,441 --> 01:16:45,692
Solace me, solace me.

999
01:16:45,693 --> 01:16:47,360
Succor me!

1000
01:16:47,361 --> 01:16:49,362
Succor! Succor me!

1001
01:16:49,363 --> 01:16:53,491
Will we... will we find sal... sal...

1002
01:16:53,492 --> 01:16:55,702
sal... salvation?

1003
01:16:55,703 --> 01:16:59,581
Realization! Realization!

1004
01:16:59,582 --> 01:17:01,334
Help.

1005
01:17:04,629 --> 01:17:07,714
Will we find self... self...

1006
01:17:07,715 --> 01:17:09,216
self-realization?

1007
01:17:13,054 --> 01:17:14,930
Succor, succor me.

1008
01:17:14,931 --> 01:17:17,350
Yes, brother, yes, we will.

1009
01:17:23,272 --> 01:17:24,106
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.

1010
01:17:24,107 --> 01:17:26,274
- I'm taking cover.
- Yes, brother.

1011
01:17:26,275 --> 01:17:27,860
Yes, we will.

1012
01:17:30,613 --> 01:17:34,116
Yes, self-realization!

1013
01:17:42,291 --> 01:17:43,625
This is your announcer again.

1014
01:17:43,626 --> 01:17:46,336
You have just shared,
yes, a live broadcast

1015
01:17:46,337 --> 01:17:48,756
of an actual on-the-spot
solace and succor service

1016
01:17:49,590 --> 01:17:52,133
By the Salvator of the Southwest.

1017
01:17:52,134 --> 01:17:55,095
Now, Sister Eufaula
Roop's closing thoughts.

1018
01:17:55,096 --> 01:17:56,763
Brothers and sisters,

1019
01:17:56,764 --> 01:17:59,432
If you're not saved, do what I did,

1020
01:17:59,433 --> 01:18:01,226
save yourself.

1021
01:18:01,227 --> 01:18:02,435
And now, brothers and sisters,

1022
01:18:02,436 --> 01:18:05,855
while Sister Roop realigns her
spheres of spiritual thrust,

1023
01:18:05,856 --> 01:18:08,274
a selection of stirring
hymns and martial airs

1024
01:18:08,275 --> 01:18:10,944
prepared and gifted to us
by our sister station,

1025
01:18:10,945 --> 01:18:12,028
Radio Joplin.

1026
01:18:12,029 --> 01:18:14,406
Breaker, break,
Seagull to Salad Bowl,

1027
01:18:14,407 --> 01:18:16,700
we still got a shit pot
full a-leaving, boy.

1028
01:18:16,701 --> 01:18:18,827
If you don't haul it
off, the possums will.

1029
01:18:18,828 --> 01:18:20,830
Get your ass in gear, 10-4.

1030
01:18:35,928 --> 01:18:38,763
Perhaps a sociologist could
explain why Lavonia risks

1031
01:18:38,764 --> 01:18:40,807
her ideal relationship,

1032
01:18:40,808 --> 01:18:43,268
Her prospects for a rosy future,

1033
01:18:43,269 --> 01:18:45,353
all for an adulterous liaison

1034
01:18:45,354 --> 01:18:47,397
with Small Town's garbage czar.

1035
01:18:47,398 --> 01:18:48,773
You're tough.

1036
01:18:48,774 --> 01:18:54,863
One more time,
Peterbuilt, one more time.

1037
01:18:54,864 --> 01:18:58,575
Oh, no, I gotta split.

1038
01:18:58,576 --> 01:19:01,096
Besides, your old man'll
be due home any time,

1039
01:19:02,163 --> 01:19:04,248
and I don't want any more of that shit.

1040
01:19:06,751 --> 01:19:09,711
There's still another
hour before supper.

1041
01:19:09,712 --> 01:19:11,504
We got lots of time.

1042
01:19:11,505 --> 01:19:15,258
Ah, shit, no.

1043
01:19:15,259 --> 01:19:16,259
Oh.

1044
01:19:19,972 --> 01:19:21,599
Get your ass outta my face.

1045
01:19:22,433 --> 01:19:25,019
I don't eat pussy. It's un-American.

1046
01:19:27,146 --> 01:19:29,148
Easy, Lavonia, easy.

1047
01:19:30,399 --> 01:19:32,610
The damn thing's as sore as a boil.

1048
01:19:34,278 --> 01:19:37,489
Oh, six times in two hours.

1049
01:19:37,490 --> 01:19:39,824
Concentrate, Mr. Peterbuilt.

1050
01:19:39,825 --> 01:19:42,285
All ya have to do is concentrate.

1051
01:19:42,286 --> 01:19:44,829
But why in the world has
Lavonia once again taken

1052
01:19:44,830 --> 01:19:47,040
Mr. Peterbuilt to bed?

1053
01:19:47,041 --> 01:19:48,374
Curious.

1054
01:19:48,375 --> 01:19:51,419
Oh, flip me over now.

1055
01:19:51,420 --> 01:19:55,090
- Now! Flip me!
- I'm whooped, Lavonia.

1056
01:19:55,091 --> 01:19:56,549
I'm as weak as a mewly cat.

1057
01:19:56,550 --> 01:19:58,218
Come on, Mr. Peterbuilt.

1058
01:19:58,219 --> 01:20:00,011
Climb the mountain one more time.

1059
01:20:00,012 --> 01:20:01,388
It'll be the best.

1060
01:20:02,264 --> 01:20:04,058
- Oh.
- Oh, fuck.

1061
01:20:12,900 --> 01:20:15,527
Maybe we've been too hard on Lavonia.

1062
01:20:15,528 --> 01:20:18,113
Surely, it isn't carnal
desire that drives her on.

1063
01:20:18,114 --> 01:20:21,784
Even Mr. Peterbuilt's home breaker
isn't worth a broken home.

1064
01:20:35,923 --> 01:20:38,091
Mrs. Peterbuilt here.

1065
01:20:38,092 --> 01:20:40,468
You're two hours late for my oil change.

1066
01:20:40,469 --> 01:20:42,804
If you're not home in 15 minutes,

1067
01:20:42,805 --> 01:20:44,682
I'll see you in court, bimbo.

1068
01:20:51,981 --> 01:20:55,317
Oh, Lamar, I thought you'd never come.

1069
01:20:56,610 --> 01:20:59,113
Me neither.

1070
01:21:02,283 --> 01:21:04,033
Hop on.

1071
01:21:04,034 --> 01:21:07,537
Oh, Lamar, you're all straightened out.

1072
01:21:07,538 --> 01:21:08,622
Yep.

1073
01:21:11,876 --> 01:21:14,335
It didn't do no good.

1074
01:21:14,336 --> 01:21:17,422
Faith healer, my ass.

1075
01:21:17,423 --> 01:21:20,300
♪ Old time religion, gimme
that old time religion ♪

1076
01:21:20,301 --> 01:21:22,760
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

1077
01:21:22,761 --> 01:21:25,305
♪ It's good enough for me ♪

1078
01:21:25,306 --> 01:21:26,515
Excuse me, Lavonia.

1079
01:21:44,783 --> 01:21:48,871
Oh, Lamar, I feel like a virgin again.

1080
01:21:50,831 --> 01:21:53,918
Oh, Lamar.

1081
01:21:56,837 --> 01:21:59,839
More cock! Oh, I want it.

1082
01:21:59,840 --> 01:22:01,549
- Give me more cock.
- Here.

1083
01:22:01,550 --> 01:22:04,094
Wrap your legs tight, tight around me.

1084
01:22:07,181 --> 01:22:11,184
Oh, you're great, better
than Mr. Peterbuilt.

1085
01:22:11,185 --> 01:22:13,395
I love it.

1086
01:22:15,439 --> 01:22:17,608
Oh, that was a good 'un.

1087
01:22:20,611 --> 01:22:22,528
Peterbuilt's a bad guy, Lavonia.

1088
01:22:22,529 --> 01:22:26,533
Yeah, Lamar, real bad.

1089
01:22:34,833 --> 01:22:36,752
Please, oh, more cock.

1090
01:22:46,512 --> 01:22:51,392
Now you put that back in
your pants, Mr. Fidelis.

1091
01:23:01,777 --> 01:23:06,572
Ooh, I tell you, friends, that
song brings me real solace.

1092
01:23:06,573 --> 01:23:09,450
I can't say what a comfort it is,

1093
01:23:09,451 --> 01:23:10,744
especially in these...

1094
01:23:12,579 --> 01:23:13,622
Especially in these...

1095
01:23:20,087 --> 01:23:23,381
What, ooh, to expect next?

1096
01:23:23,382 --> 01:23:27,011
A song like that can transport
you to honest-to-goodness,

1097
01:23:27,052 --> 01:23:30,096
oh, oh, rapture.

1098
01:23:30,097 --> 01:23:33,057
Oh, that's just...

1099
01:23:33,058 --> 01:23:34,809
I feel...

1100
01:23:34,810 --> 01:23:37,562
Oh, and I just wish I could stay here

1101
01:23:37,563 --> 01:23:40,440
at the microphone forever,

1102
01:23:40,441 --> 01:23:44,110
But, uh, there's always
someone to be saved...

1103
01:23:44,111 --> 01:23:48,781
Oh! Someone who needs
solace even more than I do.

1104
01:23:48,782 --> 01:23:52,161
But... but... oh!

1105
01:23:59,626 --> 01:24:01,795
So let's all enjoy...

1106
01:24:04,590 --> 01:24:07,675
Enjoy this lovely musical interlude

1107
01:24:07,676 --> 01:24:11,721
from Rio Dio Radio, ooh,

1108
01:24:11,722 --> 01:24:15,476
healing you on AM, healing you on FM.

1109
01:24:20,564 --> 01:24:23,900
Brothers and, ooh, sisters,
that's what we need,

1110
01:24:23,901 --> 01:24:26,528
self-realization and the, oh!

1111
01:24:28,572 --> 01:24:31,949
I'm getting very good vibrations from you.

1112
01:24:31,950 --> 01:24:33,743
More cock!

1113
01:24:33,744 --> 01:24:35,495
Getting very good vibrations

1114
01:24:35,496 --> 01:24:39,707
from, you all today.

1115
01:24:39,708 --> 01:24:42,586
I can just, whoo, tell how much.

1116
01:24:47,299 --> 01:24:49,510
Lay it on the radio and...

1117
01:24:55,182 --> 01:24:56,517
Come on, Rhett.

1118
01:24:57,810 --> 01:25:00,270
Rhett, my gosh, you touched my soul.

1119
01:25:10,155 --> 01:25:13,866
Teenagers need solace and
succor just like anybody else.

1120
01:25:13,867 --> 01:25:15,368
This is your announcer again.

1121
01:25:15,369 --> 01:25:17,412
We have an unprecedented
epoch in the annals

1122
01:25:17,413 --> 01:25:19,080
of radio broadcasting.

1123
01:25:19,081 --> 01:25:21,082
Yes, for the second time today,

1124
01:25:21,083 --> 01:25:23,709
Sister Eufaula Roop will
bestow an abundance of solace

1125
01:25:23,710 --> 01:25:25,962
and succor upon a young sinner.

1126
01:25:25,963 --> 01:25:29,716
Hallelujah, brothers
and sisters, hallelujah.

1127
01:25:31,343 --> 01:25:35,347
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

1128
01:25:35,389 --> 01:25:37,557
♪ Gimme that old time religion ♪

1129
01:25:37,558 --> 01:25:39,350
♪ It's good enough for me ♪

1130
01:25:39,351 --> 01:25:43,354
♪ Makes me love everybody
Makes me love everybody ♪

1131
01:25:43,355 --> 01:25:45,940
♪ Makes me love everybody ♪

1132
01:25:45,941 --> 01:25:49,903
♪ It's good enough for me ♪

1133
01:25:50,821 --> 01:25:53,364
Sure, folks play around
a little in Small Town,

1134
01:25:53,365 --> 01:25:54,365
but that's just to keep things

1135
01:25:54,366 --> 01:25:56,659
from getting too darn peaceful.

1136
01:25:56,660 --> 01:25:59,495
And if they don't get what they
want the first time around,

1137
01:25:59,496 --> 01:26:01,331
well, there's always tomorrow.

1138
01:26:02,332 --> 01:26:04,375
In addition to the championship,

1139
01:26:04,376 --> 01:26:06,586
there's always more than one bowl game

1140
01:26:06,587 --> 01:26:08,922
at the end of the season.

1141
01:26:41,413 --> 01:26:43,707
Are you kidding? No, no.

1142
01:26:51,465 --> 01:26:55,427
I always wanted to own
my own junkyard.

1143
01:27:06,313 --> 01:27:08,564
More cock! Cock!

1144
01:27:08,565 --> 01:27:10,107
Give me more cock!

1145
01:27:10,108 --> 01:27:14,362
Oh, I didn't know you
were still around, RM.

1146
01:27:14,363 --> 01:27:17,198
There's something for
everyone here in Small Town.

1147
01:27:17,199 --> 01:27:19,909
That's why it's such
a swell place to live.

1148
01:27:19,910 --> 01:27:21,327
Well, look at Lamar.

1149
01:27:21,328 --> 01:27:23,996
Now that he and Lavonia have
gotten their act together,

1150
01:27:23,997 --> 01:27:25,164
I bet he'll buckle down

1151
01:27:25,165 --> 01:27:28,251
and maybe even take
some postgraduate work.

1152
01:27:28,252 --> 01:27:31,964
Then again, maybe he'll never
get back to hitting the books.

1153
01:27:34,174 --> 01:27:37,093
What you gonna
get me for my birthday?

1154
01:27:37,094 --> 01:27:38,762
You're getting it right now.

1155
01:27:40,806 --> 01:27:43,349
Seems like old times.

1156
01:27:43,350 --> 01:27:45,477
But only on your birthday.

1157
01:27:47,354 --> 01:27:49,605
Anyway, if you should ever find yourself

1158
01:27:49,606 --> 01:27:51,899
down in this neck of the woods again,

1159
01:27:51,900 --> 01:27:55,570
you'll be sure to pay us
a visit to Small Town,

1160
01:27:55,571 --> 01:27:57,531
cradle to the nation.

1161
01:27:58,198 --> 01:28:01,450
...But no stamps or
checks, friends, to "Pillow,"

1162
01:28:01,451 --> 01:28:03,452
Rio Dio, Texas.

1163
01:28:03,453 --> 01:28:04,912
And now, friends, yes...

1164
01:28:04,913 --> 01:28:07,498
You know my 14-year-old son, Rhett,

1165
01:28:07,499 --> 01:28:11,002
but I don't believe you've met
my Austrian wife, SuperSoul.

1166
01:28:11,003 --> 01:28:14,046
Say hello, family, to the
folks out there in movie land.

1167
01:28:14,047 --> 01:28:15,047
Hi.

1168
01:28:16,383 --> 01:28:18,884
Now, son, if you plan to be

1169
01:28:18,885 --> 01:28:21,762
around to see your 15th birthday,

1170
01:28:21,763 --> 01:28:24,390
you better pull out that
thing you call a dick

1171
01:28:24,391 --> 01:28:26,934
and let your father show ya how it's done.

1172
01:28:26,935 --> 01:28:31,815
...Made long, and what
was insatiable, satiated!

1173
01:29:22,449 --> 01:29:25,034
Like the old man said,
walk down any street,

1174
01:29:25,035 --> 01:29:27,078
knock on any door, and who will you meet?

1175
01:29:27,079 --> 01:29:28,079
Average people,

1176
01:29:28,080 --> 01:29:29,288
Ordinary people,

1177
01:29:29,289 --> 01:29:31,082
Down-home people, yeah,

1178
01:29:31,083 --> 01:29:32,708
like the folks next door.

1179
01:29:32,709 --> 01:29:36,253
Take Rhett, for example, the
young punk with a big future,

1180
01:29:36,254 --> 01:29:38,839
but frankly, he doesn't give a damn.

1181
01:29:38,840 --> 01:29:43,761
Or the Dame Lola Langusta,
Mexico's own Susan B. Anthony.

1182
01:29:43,762 --> 01:29:45,721
Too bad those tits
haven't been commemorated

1183
01:29:45,722 --> 01:29:47,973
on a two-peso note of her own.

1184
01:29:47,974 --> 01:29:52,019
And that palooka Peterbuilt,
86'd with his own club.

1185
01:29:52,020 --> 01:29:56,482
Flovilla Thatch, yeah, she
knew all the answers.

1186
01:29:56,483 --> 01:29:59,151
Now she's a very practical nurse.

1187
01:29:59,152 --> 01:30:02,571
And Zebulon proved the
American way is the only way.

1188
01:30:02,572 --> 01:30:05,366
Now it's nothing less
than Hollywood for him.

1189
01:30:05,367 --> 01:30:09,203
Or the Austrian wife, SuperSoul,
milking young elks at will.

1190
01:30:09,204 --> 01:30:12,832
Eufaula Roop, solace and
succor for the masses,

1191
01:30:12,833 --> 01:30:16,877
her coffers bulging and
tax exempt, of course.

1192
01:30:16,878 --> 01:30:19,088
Asa Lavender, he's blown his cover,

1193
01:30:19,089 --> 01:30:21,757
but he'll turn up, like maybe a doctor,

1194
01:30:21,758 --> 01:30:24,677
lawyer, or an Indian chief,

1195
01:30:24,678 --> 01:30:26,429
even a school teacher.

1196
01:30:26,430 --> 01:30:28,681
Lavonia, what can I say?

1197
01:30:28,682 --> 01:30:31,434
A pulverizing crucible of fulfillment;

1198
01:30:31,435 --> 01:30:33,519
if her brand of adultery could be bottled

1199
01:30:33,520 --> 01:30:36,647
and pushed by the kernel,
she'd own the town.

1200
01:30:36,648 --> 01:30:38,399
Then there's Lamar.

1201
01:30:38,400 --> 01:30:42,153
He found that something as
precious as love brings with it

1202
01:30:42,154 --> 01:30:46,407
a demand for an occasional change of pace.

1203
01:30:46,408 --> 01:30:49,994
Kitten Natividad, a Latin Brunhilda,

1204
01:30:49,995 --> 01:30:54,457
all the laurel eyes rolled
into one, but take it from me,

1205
01:30:54,458 --> 01:30:56,125
that's another tale.

1206
01:30:56,126 --> 01:30:58,461
Paris creations direct from Paraguay.

1207
01:30:58,462 --> 01:31:00,463
- Attach it, uh...
- Semper Fidelis,

1208
01:31:00,464 --> 01:31:03,215
his pneumatic crotch
shoring up the beaver dams

1209
01:31:03,216 --> 01:31:04,842
of Small Town.

1210
01:31:04,843 --> 01:31:09,472
Junk Yard Sal, a full day's
pay for an honest day's work

1211
01:31:09,473 --> 01:31:12,601
and never a charge for overtime.

1212
01:31:15,896 --> 01:31:20,609
Oh, I, uh, I forgot Bormann.
How thoughtless of me.

1213
01:31:26,364 --> 01:31:30,952
Marty, he's finally found
peace in his beloved desert.

1214
01:31:37,501 --> 01:31:42,004
Oh, fuck me, fuck me, oh.

1215
01:31:42,005 --> 01:31:45,216
Fuck me! More cock!

1216
01:31:45,217 --> 01:31:47,928
- Oh, more cock!
- Hey, Kitten, let's go!

1217
01:32:01,566 --> 01:32:02,901
Where in the hell's the crew?

1218
01:32:06,154 --> 01:32:07,781
Well, no matter.

1219
01:32:09,574 --> 01:32:12,743
Let me check out on a historical note,

1220
01:32:12,744 --> 01:32:14,703
a matter of military records.

1221
01:32:14,704 --> 01:32:17,331
Bormann's teeth and gums
were found some years

1222
01:32:17,332 --> 01:32:21,085
after World War II, but
they never found him.

1223
01:32:21,086 --> 01:32:24,755
There he is, alive and well, sweetheart.

1224
01:32:24,756 --> 01:32:28,592
Living proof that gentle
will all your steps be

1225
01:32:28,593 --> 01:32:32,763
as you venture beneath the
Valley of the Ultra-Vixens.

1226
01:32:32,764 --> 01:32:35,808
Marty, oh, it's so much better

1227
01:32:35,809 --> 01:32:37,769
without your teeth.

1228
01:32:43,859 --> 01:32:45,943
Be sure to watch
for the further adventures

1229
01:32:45,944 --> 01:32:47,862
of the bountiful Lavonia

1230
01:32:47,863 --> 01:32:50,489
challenging a whole new
batch of bosom buddies

1231
01:32:50,490 --> 01:32:53,576
for horizontal honors in Russ Meyer's

1232
01:32:53,577 --> 01:32:55,494
"The Jaws of Vixen."

1233
01:32:55,495 --> 01:32:56,830
She'll never let go.